HER  MAJESTY 
THE  KING 


JAMES  JEFFREY  ROCHE  \\\j 

ILLUSTRATED   BY 
OLIVER  HERFORD 


Her  Majesty  the  King 


HER   MAJESTY 
THE  KING 


A  Romance  of  the  Harem 

Done  into  American 
from  the  Arabic 

Ev 

JAMES  JEFFREY  ROCHE 


With  Illustrations  by 
OLIVER    HERFORD 


CHICAGO 

A.  C.  McCLURG  &  CO 

1915 


Copyright,  i8g8,  by 
JAMES  JEFFREY  ROCHE 

Copyright,  1902,  by 
ROBERT  HOWARD  RUSSELL 


DEDICATION. 

¥ 

To  the  lineal  descendant  of  the  Lady 
Kayenna,  who  told  me  this  true  history, 
the  while  1  could  but  marvel  and  admire 
the  teller ;  for,  of  a  truth,  since  Schehere- 
zade  there  hath  been  none  to  approach 
her  in  goodliness  and  wit  and  wisdom  and 
all  comeliness  of  mind  and  person  and,  es 
pecially,  in  a  proper  and  intelligent  appre 
ciation  of 

THE  ILLUSTRIOUS  AUTHOR. 


CONCERNING  THE 
AUTHOR. 

IT  sometimes  happens  that  a  genius,  pass 
ing,  leaves  more  in  the  hearts  of  men  than 
in  their  minds.  Brilliant  though  he  may 
have  been,  his  friends  remember  him  not  for 
the  work  that  he  has  done,  but  for  the  touch 
of  his  hand,  the  warmth  of  his  smile,  the 
chivalry  of  his  soul.  It  is  the  good  fortune 
of  James  Jeffrey  Roche  thus  to  be  remem 
bered. 

By  the  necessities  of  life  confined  to  an 
editorial  desk,  unable  to  give  full  scope  to  his 
genius,  he  left  behind  him  comparatively  few 
volumes,  of  which  this  one  ranks  as  his  best 
humorous  effort.  Indeed,  competent  judges 
say  that  this  book  is  among  the  first  half-dozen 
volumes  of  American  humor. 

Yet,  though  it  received  a  warm  welcome 
from  the  critics,  it  gained  no  wide  public 
audience.  Who  can  tell  why,  can  solve  all 
mysteries.  It  is  republished  in  the  hope  that 
a  recognition  deferred  during  the  author's  life 
time  may  be  granted  now.  And  this  preface 
is  written  that  something  may  be  known  of 
one  of  the  wittiest  and  most  lovable  of  men. 

James  Jeffrey  Roche,  historian,  wit,  poet, 
hater  of  shams  and  frauds,  was  born  in 


Concerning  the  Author 

Mountmellick,  Queen's  County,  Ireland,  May 
31,  1847.  While  an  infant  his  parents  emi 
grated  to  Prince  Edward's  Island,  and  it  was 
there  that  he  was  educated.  While  still  a 
boy  he  went  to  Boston  and  entered  business. 
Soon  he  began  contributing  to  newspapers 
and  magazines.  In  1883  John  Boyle  O'Reilly 
invited  him  to  take  the  associate  editorial 
chair  of  the  Boston  Pilot.  There  he  re 
mained  until  O'Reilly's  death  in  1890,  when 
he  assumed  the  chief  editorship,  a  position 
that  he  held  until  his  appointment  by  Presi 
dent  Roosevelt,  in  1905,  to  the  consular  serv 
ice.  He  served  first  at  Genoa  and  later  at 
Berne,  where  he  died,  after  a  long  illness,  on 
April  3,  1908. 

No  greater  lover  of  America  ever  lived. 
His  poems  of  the  sea,  which  brought  him  his 
first  fame,  are  lessons  in  patriotism.  Yet  he 
never  forgot  the  land  of  his  birth,  and  other 
poems  and  writings  are  a  rebuke  to  those  who 
today  affect  a  scorn  of  the  so-called  hyphen 
ated  American,  who  forget  that  man  may  love 
his  wife  and  yet  cherish  his  mother. 

He  was  the  friend  of  freedom.  He  had 
the  spirit  that  animates  the  leaders  of  lost 
causes.  All  his  writings  show  a  contempt 
for  snobbery,  for  meanness  of  any  kind,  for 
race  or  religious  prejudice.  Broad  and  gen 
erous,  he  was  never  too  busy  to  spare  time  for 
an  assault  upon  unfairness,  whether  it  were 
directed  against  Jew  or  Protestant  or  Catho 
lic,  against  the  white  man  or  the  black. 


Concerning  the  Author 

He  had  the  gift  for  friendship.  Few  men 
possessed  such  a  wide  range,  not  of  acquaint 
ances,  but  of  friends.  From  the  convict  in 
jail  whom  he  helped,  to  the  man  in  the 
White  House,  all  loved  him.  Editor  of  a 
Catholic  weekly,  no  creed  bounded  his  regard. 
Warrior  in  the  field  of  freedom,  he  wanted 
freedom  for  all,  not  for  one.  And  he  was  as 
far  from  being  a  "  professional  Irishman  "  as 
Lafayette  was  from  being  a  Hessian  mer 
cenary. 

Indeed,  so  busy  was  he  waging  warfare 
against  prejudice  of  all  kinds,  and  in  attend 
ing  to  the  editorial  duties  that  were  his  living, 
that  his  pen  found  time  for  only  occasional 
ventures  into  fields  that  would  have  gained 
him  greater  profit.  He  was  ten  years  writing 
"  Her  Majesty  The  King." 

In  fact,  the  book  was  grown,  rather  than 
written.  Little  by  little  it  was  evolved  from 
its  central  character,  that  of  Shacabac,  whose 
satirical  wisdom  is  often  but  an  expression  of 
the  author's  self;  and,  completed,  it  makes 
one  wonder  how  he  could  have  enriched  the 
world's  library  of  humor  had  he  been  able  to 
devote  himself  solely  to  the  writing  of  books. 

But  it  was  not  possible,  and  much  of  the 
bubbling  mirth  that  endeared  him  to  his 
friends  is  lost  in  the  files  of  newspapers,  spent 
on  editorial  pages,  or  cherished  in  the  memo 
ries  of  those  who  loved  to  draw  him  out  and 
listen  to  the  brilliancies  that  sparkled  but 
never  burned.  For  he  was  gentle  in  all  his 


Concerning  the  Author 

wit  and  satire,   save  when  he  approached  a 
sham,  an  hypocrisy  —  then  his  wit  was  caustic. 

He  was  more  than  the  soul  of  honor;  his 
friend's  honor  was  his  own,  and  his  friend 
could  do  no  wrong.  He  was  often  deceived 
because,  incapable  of  deception  himself,  it 
never  occurred  to  him  that  his  friend  could 
deceive.  When  he  gave,  he  gave  with  his 
whole  soul  and  there  were  no  reservations. 

Yet  withal,  as  his  writings  prove,  he  was 
not  easily  gulled.  He  knew  the  hypocrite 
and  the  liar  from  afar,  and  the  point  of  his 
pen  pricked  many  a  pompous  fake  that  fooled 
men  supposedly  more  wise.  No  windy  prom- 
iser  could  gain  the  support  of  his  editorials, 
which  had  a  circulation  far  wider  than  his 
own  paper. 

Idealist,  lover  of  freedom,  staunch,  loyal 
and  perfect  friend ;  it  is  so  that  he  is  remem 
bered.  Yet  his  work  entitles  him  to  more 
than  that  —  great  though  that  may  be  —  to  a 
place  in  letters  commensurate  to  his  worth. 
He  attained  that  with  editors,  with  critics,  but 
his  work  is  all  too  little  known  to  the  public. 
It  can  only  be  explained  on  the  theory  that 
the  man  overshadowed  the  writings. 

Let  it  be  hoped  that  this  republication  brings 
a  greater  acknowledgment  of  the  genius  of 
Jeffrey  Roche,  a  most  generous  gentleman, 
who  had  the  brain  of  a  man  and  the  heart  of 
a  child. 

ARTHUR  S.  ROCHE. 


FOREWARNING. 


(YEAR   OF   THE    HEGIRA   1276.) 

MANY,  and  in  sooth  foolish,  are  they 
who  writing  books  send  them 
forth  to  the  world  with  humiliat 
ing  disparagement  of  their  contents  and 
servile  appeals  for  mercy  to  those  who  may 
read  them.  Now  a  man  who  hath  dates,  or 
coffee,  or  rice  to  sell  goeth  not  into  the 
market-place  crying  out,  "  Lo  !  the  merchan 
dise  which  I  offer  for  sale  is  poor  and  mouldy 
and  unworthy  stuff;  yet  of  your  charity, 
good  people,  I  pray  you  to  buy,"  seeking 
yet  to  cajole  his  hearers  with  coarse  flattery. 
As  if  any  man  were  silly  enough  to  buy 
damaged  goods  because,  forsooth,  the  vendor 
praised  the  good  judgment  of  the  buyer! 

I,  who  have  made  the  pilgrimage  and 
kissed  the  Kaaba  which  endowed  with  truth, 
am  not  as  the  Franks  who  trust  to  the  be- 
guilement  of  the  Stone  of  Bel-Ami.  This 
volume,  containing  the  surprising  adventures 


vi  Forewarning 

of  the  good  Kayenna  and  the  marvellous 
wisdom  of  Shacabac,  the  Wayfarer,  needeth 
no  apology.  If  it  excelleth  all  other  works 
of  history  in  lofty  thought,  in  rich  imagery, 
in  polished  style,  and  in  perfect  diction,  it  is 
only  because  I  have  made  it  to  do  so.  Had 
it  existed  in  the  days  of  the  good  Caliph 
Omar,  wisest  of  all  censors,  it  would  not 
have  shared  the  fate  of  that  mass  of  un 
worthy  literature  by  him  justly  condemned 
to  the  flames.  Rather  would  it  have  been 
commended  to  all  the  faithful  as  a  work 
not  to  be  hastily  skimmed  by  the  light  and 
thoughtless  who  seek  transitory  knowledge 
in  the  public  libraries,  but  to  be  bought  and 
preserved  for  careful  and  frequent  study  by 
the  discriminating  reader. 

While  the  work  of  no  mortal  is  perfect, 
the  only  defect  in  this  book  is  its  brevity. 
Its  merits  are  as  many  as  its  words.  If 
any  man  fail  to  recognize  them,  let  him 
wisely  be  silent,  and,  returning  the  book 
to  him  from  whom  he  borrowed  it,  pray 
Allah  for  better  judgment  and  mourn  the 
hour  in  which  he,  unworthy,  ever  learned 
to  read. 


CONTENTS. 


MM 

FOREWARNING v 

CHAPTER   1 13 

He  that  repenteth  too  late  may  some  time  worry  too 
soon.  —  The  Katamarana. 

CHAPTER   II ao 

A  lie  grows  so  fast  that  its  own  parents  may  not  rec 
ognize  it.  —  Deucalion. 

CHAPTER  III 29 

The  hardest  thing  to  find  is  an  honest  partner  for 

a  swindle.  —  Samith. 

CHAPTER    IV 34 

A  grandfather  is  a  man  who  has  two  chances  to 
make  a  fool  of  himself,  and  seldom  neglects  them.  — 

Ginglymui. 

CHAPTER   V 46 

An  omen,  said  the  Fakir,  is  a  sign  of  the  future. 
Blame  not  the  omen,  but  the  future,  if  the  sign  prove 
not  true.  —  Shiran,  the  Younger. 

CHAPTER  VI 55 

The  man  who  can  invent  a  good  working  substitute 
for  honesty  has  yet  to  be  invented  himself.  —  Eastern 
Proverb. 


vm  Contents 

PAGE 

CHAPTER   VII 61 

Nevertheless,  much  depends  on  a  man's  horoscope. 
One  is  born  in  the  desert,  and  becomes  a  brigand  5 
another  is  reared  in  the  great  city,  and  publishes  books. 
It  is  Kismet.  —  Ben  Haround. 

CHAPTER   VIII 72 

What  is  a  cryptogram  ?  asked  the  Pupil. 

It  is  a  cipher,  replied  the  Sage. 

What  is  a  cipher  ?  persisted  the  Pupil. 

It  is  naught,  answered  the  Sage. 

Is  there  a  cryptogram  in  this  book  ?  asked  the  Pupil. 

If  there  be,  a  Sage  alone  will  find  it.  It  should  ex 
plain  aught  that  may  seem  irrelevant.  —  The  Wisdom 
of  Shoe  abac. 

CHAPTER    IX 88 

There  are  times  when  it  is  inexpedient,  if  not  actually 
immoral,  to  kill  the  bediamonded  clerk  of  a  caravan 
sary.  —  Manco  Capac. 

CHAPTER   X 95 

Surely,  thou  dost  not  expect  strangers  to  pay  for  thy 
books.  And,  surely,  thou  wouldst  not  ask  thy  friends 
to  buy  them.  Seek  some  other  way  of  achieving 
wealth  through  letters.  And  let  me  know  if  thou 
findest  it.  —  The  Pauper  Poet. 

CHAPTER    XI 106 

Some  men  borrow  books  ;  some  men  steal  books  ;  and 
others  beg  presentation  copies  from  the  author.  —  Ben 
Haround. 

CHAPTER    XII 12* 

In  time  of  war  begin  to  prepare  for  it.  —  The  Corn- 
pleat  Art  of  Logistics^  by  Tang  Kee. 


Contents  ix 

MOS 

CHAPTER   XIII 129 

Every  nation  has  just  the  government  for  which  its 
people  are  fitted  ;  at  least,  that  is  what  is  said  by  the 
rulers  who  are  piously  engaged  in  misgoverning  it.  — 
Manco  Cafac. 

CHAPTER   XIV 136 

This  Book  is  a  Mirror  wherein  the  Wise  Man  seeth 
Wisdom,  but  the  Fool  seeth  Folly.  —  Shacabac. 

CHAPTER   XV.     LAGNIAPPE 11 


THE   ILLUSTRATIONS. 
i 

Her  Majesty  the  King      ....     Frontispiece 
11 '  In  what  way  ? '  asked  his  wife  "      .    Page  14 

Al  Choppah 22 

Shacabac,  the  Sage        40 

Ben  Zoin 62 

"  '  I  bring  evil  news  ! '  " 104 

Badeg,  the  Soothsayer 1 08 

«« «  Out  of  this,  fortune- telling  dog  ! '"       .      1 1 8 


CHAPTER  I. 

! !///     He  that  repenteth  too  late  may  some 
time   worry  too    soon.  —  The   Kdtdma- 


THE  Pasha  Muley  Mustapha  was 
unhappy.  He  was  a  peace- 
loving,  easy-tempered  man,  as 
Pashas  go,  and,  when  allowed  to  have 
his  own  way,  was  never  inclined  to  ask 
for  more.  But  now,  after  seven  years 
of  wedded  life,  he  found  his  wishes 
thwarted,  not  for  the  first  time,  by  the 
caprice  of  a  woman,  and  that  woman 
his  only  wife,  Kayenna,  well  surnamed 
the  Eloquent.  The  misunderstanding 
had  arisen,  innocently  enough,  in  this 
way :  — 


1 4        Her  Majesty  the  King 

"  I  think,  my  dear,"  said  Muley 
Mustapha,  as  he  sat  smoking  his  nargi- 
leh  one  day  at  the  beginning  of  this 
history,  while  his  wife  reclined  on  a 
divan,  —  "I  think,  my  dear,  that  my 
parents  (may  their  memory  be  blessed ! ) 
made  a  great  mistake  in  their  treatment 
of  me  in  my  youth.  I  was  brought  up 
too  strictly.  They  gave  me  no  oppor 
tunity  of  seeing  life  in  all  its  phases. 
Consequently,  I  find  myself,  in  middle 
age,  almost  a  stranger  among  my  own 
subjects.  I  mean  to  adopt  an  entirely 
different  system  with  little  Muley." 

"In  what  way  ?  "  asked  his  wife,  ris 
ing  on  her  elbow,  and  casting  a  suspi 
cious  look  at  her  lord. 

"  Well,  in  this  way,"  replied  Muley 
Mustapha,  deliberately,  —  "  in  this  way. 
I  intend  to  let  him  go  out  into  the 
world,  mingle  with  the  youth  of  his 
own  age,  share  in  their  sports,  and,  as 
the  Giaours  say,  *  sow  his  wild  oats.' ' 

"  Muley  Mustapha,"  said  his  wife, 


c<  */w  what  way?"1  asked  his  wife" 


Her  Majesty  the  King         1 5 

sitting  bolt  upright,  "you  shall  do 
nothing  of  the  sort.  *  Sow  his  wild 
oats,'  indeed !  He  shall  never  leave 
my  sight,  not  for  a  single  moment, 
until  he  is  a  grown  man  and  I  have 
provided  him  with  a  wife  to  take  my 
place  as  guardian  of  his  morals.  It  ill 
becomes  the  trusted  vassal  of  my  noble 
father,  the  Sultan  of  Kopaul,  to  talk 
thus  of  corrupting  the  child  who  is  to 
be  one  day  ruler  of  that  mighty  em 
pire.  You  forget  that  fact,  Muley 
Mustapha." 

"On  the  contrary,"  retorted  the 
Pasha,  a  little  tartly,  "  I  am  not  likely 
to  forget  it,  so  long  as  the  daughter  of 
the  Sultan  of  Kopaul  condescends  to 
remain  the  wife  of  the  Pasha  of 
Ubikwi." 

For  Muley  Mustapha  had  married 
above  his  station,  and  the  circumstance 
had  not  been  permitted  to  escape  his 
memory.  He  never  complained  of  his 
lot ;  but,  when  his  faithful  Vizier  once 


1 6         Her  Majesty  the  King 

hinted  that  the  Koran  allowed  each 
true  believer  the  blessing  of  four  wives, 
he  answered  with  a  sigh,  "  I  find  one 
enough  for  this  world  :  the  rest  I  will 
take  in  houris." 

Some  subtle  reflection  of  that  senti 
ment  must  have  made  itself  visible  on 
the  face  of  the  Pasha  at  this  moment ; 
for  his  worthy  spouse,  with  apparent 
irrelevance,  suddenly  exclaimed,  — 

"  Muley  Mustapha,  if  you  are  going 
to  cast  your  vagabond  Vizier  in  my 
face,  I  will  leave  the  room  —  until  I 
have  time  to  go  home  to  my  father, 
who  will  protect  me  from  insult." 

"  Great  Allah  !  "  cried  the  Pasha. 
"  Who  is  casting  anybody  in  your  face  ? 
And  who  has  mentioned  the  name  of 
the  Vizier  ? " 

But  the  virtuous  Kayenna  had  risen 
to  her  feet,  and  in  low,  intense  tones 
began :  — 

"  Sir,  there  is  a  limit  to  what  even  a 
wife  may  endure.  When  I  think  that 


Her  Majesty  the  King         17 

a  son  of  mine  is  threatened  with  con 
tamination  at  the  hands  of  a  low,  dis 
reputable,  adventurous  vagabond,  like 
your  worthless  underling" 

Here  the  good  lady  was  so  overcome 
by  her  feelings  that  she  burst  into  a 
flood  of  tears,  and  had  to  be  borne, 
shrieking,  to  her  apartments. 

"  I  foresee  that  I  shall  have  trouble 
in  bringing  up  that  boy,"  mused  Muley 
Mustapha,  as  he  relighted  his  nargileh, 
and  stroked  his  flowing  beard. 

Braver  man  there  was  not  in  all  Islam 
than  the  dauntless  young  Pasha  of 
Ubikwi,  whose  valor  on  many  a  hard- 
fought  field  finally  won  him  the  favor  of 
the  Sultan  of  Kopaul,  and  the  fair  hand 
of  that  Sultan's  only  child.  Once,  some 
years  after  his  marriage,  he  propounded 
to  Shacabac  the  Wayfarer,  then  a  sage 
whose  merits  had  not  been  appreci 
ated  by  a  dull  generation,  the  old 
paradox  of  the  Prankish  schoolmen : 
"  When  an  irresistible  force  meets  with 


i8 


Her  Majesty  the  King 

an  immovable  object, 
what  happeneth  ?  " 
And  the  wise  man  an 
swered,  "  In  case  of 
matrimony,  the  Force 
retireth  from  busi 
ness."  Struck  by  the 
aptness  of  the  reply, 
Muley  Mustapha 
made  the  sage  his 
.Vizier  on  the  spot. 

From  that  day  forth 
the  Pasha  had  peace 
in  his  household. 
There  is  much  vir 
tue  in  self-abnega 
tion  ;  but,  like  most 
unconditional  sur 
renders,  it  does  not  al 
ways  evoke  the  admi 
ration  of  the  victors. 
Yet  was  Muley  Mus 
tapha  not  without  his 


Her  Majesty  the  King         1 9 

reward.  Kayenna  knew  just  how  far 
she  might  venture  in  dictating  to  him, 
and,  by  judiciously  yielding  that  for 
which  she  cared  naught,  managed  ever 
to  obtain  that  which  she  desired. 
Thus  doth  the  wise  spouse  gain  new 
raiment  by  denying  to  her  lord  the 
society  of  an  unbeloved  mother-in- 
law. 


CHAPTER  II. 

A  lie  grows  so  fast  that  its  own  parents  may  not 
recognize  it. —  Deucalion, 

THREE  days  after  the  occurrence 
of  the  events  narrated  in  the 
preceding  chapter  a  venerable 
man,  clad  in  the  robes  of  a  physi 
cian,  was  ushered  into  the  presence 
of  the  Pasha.  He  salaamed  low,  and 
said,  — 

"  Great  and  mighty  Pasha,  I  bring 
thee  good  news." 

"  Speak,"  said  the  Pasha  :  "  what  is 
thy  news  ?  " 

"  Great  and  good  tidings,"  answered 
the  leech.  "  Mother  and  child  are 
doing  well." 

"Allah  be  blessed!"  said  Muley 
Mustapha.  "  And  the  boy  ?  My  own 


Her  Majesty  the  King         21 

little  Muley  !  Is  he  a  healthy,  comely 
lad,  —  such  an  one,  think  you,  as  will 
hold  his  own  among  the  gallants  of 
the  land,  and  not  prove  a  puny  milk 
sop,  clutching  his  mother's  apron- 
string  ? " 

"Truly,  O  potent  Pasha,"  was  the 
answer,  "  it  is  a  fair  and  well-formed 
child,  but"  — 

"  But  me  no  buts,  knave,"  roared 
the  Pasha.  "  Barest  thou  say  the 
boy  is  deformed,  —  blind,  —  deaf,  — 
lame  ?  Speak,  or  by  the  beard  of  the 
Prophet"  — 

"  Mercy,  O  gracious  lord  !  I  meant 
nothing,"  cried  the  sage,  falling  on  his 
knees,  "only  this  —  the  child"  — 

"  Well,  go  on,  and  quickly.  The 
child"  — 

"  Is  a  girl,  O  great  and  mighty  "  — 

But  Muley  Mustapha  had  leaped  to 
his  feet,  spurning  the  old  man  from  his 
way,  and  was  shouting  to  his  chief 
eunuch : — 


22         Her  Majesty  the  King 

"  Ho,  there,  slave !  Send  me  straight 
way  the  Vizier  and  the  Soothsayer  and 
—  hark  ye,  slave,  send  me  the  Heads 
man.  By  Allah !  there  is  work  here 
for  all  three." 

The  Pasha  had  a  rich  command  of 
language,  and  he  made  free  use  of 
it  while  awaiting  the  summoned  func- 
tio'naries.  Soon  they  were  ushered  into 
his  presence,  the  swart  Nubian,  Al 
Choppah,  bringing  up  the  rear  of  the 
procession.  The  Soothsayer  prostrated 
himself  at  the  feet  of  the  Pasha,  who 
thus  addressed  him :  — 

"  O  triple-tongued  liar  and  silver- 
haired  son  of  Gehenna,  what  hast  thou 
to  say  for  thyself?  Dost  remember 
that  but  six  months  ago  thou  didst 
issue  a  prophecy,  standing  before  us  as 
proud  and  confident  as  Bhilibidam,  the 
haughty  prince  of  Eblis,  and  didst  say 
that  I  was  to  be  the  father  of  a  son, 
and  didst  warrant  the  prediction  with 
thy  head?  What  should  be  done,  O 


Her  Majesty  the  King         23 

Shacabac,  with  such  a  defaulter  on  his 
sacred  pledge  ?  " 

"  So  please  your  Highness,"  replied 
the  Vizier,  promptly,  "  I  should  fore 
close  on  the  security." 

"It  is  well  said,"  quoth  the  Pasha, 
and,  signing  to  the  Nubian,  bade  him 
advance  and  do  his  duty. 

Al  Choppah  ran  his  thumb  along  the 
edge  of  his  scimitar,  swung  it  slowly 
aloft,  and  was  about  to  bring  it  down, 
when  the  Soothsayer,  in  a  trembling 
voice,  cried  out :  "  The  will  of  Allah  be 
done  !  But  hath  not  thine  own  trusted 
adviser  counselled  mercy  to  all  crea 
tures,  even  to  the  least  merciful  ?  And, 
even  though  I  die,  I  tell  thee  that  the 
child  born  to  thee  this  day  shall  reign 
over  Kopaul ! " 

Astounded  and  secretly  a  little  im 
pressed  by  this  remarkable  speech, 
Muley  Mustapha  signed  to  the  Nu 
bian  to  withdraw  to  the  ante-chamber. 
Then,  bidding  the  Soothsayer  stand 


24        Her  Majesty  the  King 

up,  he  said  sternly :  "  Do  not  dare 
hope  to  escape  thy  doom  by  laughing 
at  our  beard.  Explain  thy  riddle ;  but, 
first,  Shacabac,  what  means  the  slave  by 
saying  that  thou  hast  counselled  mercy 
even  to  the  least  merciful  of  crea 
tures  ?  " 

Shacabac,  who  did  not  disdain  the 
music  of  his  own  voice,  replied :  — 

"  Truly,  this  Soothsayer  hath  deeply 
offended ;  but  he  showeth  a  proper 
taste  in  literature,  and,  perchance,  seeth 
more  of  the  future  than  ordinary 
mortals.  It  is  true,  I  have  coun 
selled  mercy  to  all  creatures  ;  for  mercy 
may  sometimes  be  wisdom.  I  have 
said :  — 

" '  Kick  not  the  sleeping  tiger  in  thy 
path ;  and,  if  thou  meetest  a  shark  in 
the  river,  go  thy  way, —  the  sea  is  wide 
enough  for  him  and  for  thee. 

" f  Utter  no  evil,  not  even  of  the 
dumb  beasts.  If  thy  horse  offend  thee, 
put  him  away  from  thee ;  and  when 


Her  Majesty  the  King        25 

thou  sellest  him,  speak  only  of  his 
good  parts.' 

"  I  have  also  written  :  '  Dispute  not 
with  thy  neighbor  if  his  hens  permeate 
thy  garden,  but  bid  them  welcome  and 
give  them  shelter.  So  shalt  thou  have 
fresh-laid  eggs  for  thy  breakfast.' 

"As  to  this  wretched  Soothsayer,  I 
fear  me  much  his  character  as  a  prophet 
is  sorely  damaged.  Nevertheless,  as  I 
have  written  elsewhere :  — 

" '  A  bad  character  is  better  than  none 
at  all.  Rather  behave  ill  than  have 
men  say  of  thee,  "  Lo,  he  knoweth  not 
how  to  behave."  '  " 

Just  then  appeared  a  slave  with  the 
startling  tidings  that  a  messenger  from 
the  great  Sultan  of  Kopaul  had  arrived 
and  besought  an  interview. 

If  Shacabac  was  annoyed  at  being 
interrupted  in  the  pleasant  pastime  of 
quoting  from  his  own  works,  which  is 
said  to  be  not  a  displeasing  diversion 
with  other  great  writers,  the  Pasha 


26         Her  Majesty  the  King 

quickly  recalled  him  to  more  pressing 
matters,  by  saying :  "  Now,  Shacabac, 
great  is  thy  written  wisdom.  Mayhap 
thou  hast  wit  enough  to  tell  us  how  we 
may  break  the  news  to  the  great  Sultan, 
my  father-in-law,  that  his  *  grandson  '  — 
dog  of  a  Star-gazer,  that  was  thy  pre 
cious  work  !  —  is  a  granddaughter." 

But  even  the  wisdom  of  Shacabac 
was  unequal  to  such  a  contingency ; 
and  this  true  story  would  never  have 
been  written,  had  not  the  Soothsayer 
averted  an  irreparable  loss  to  literature 
by  humbly  asking  permission  to  speak. 

"  Speak,"  replied  the  Pasha,  "  and 
see  that  thy  words  be  precious ;  for  on 
them  hangs  thy  life." 

Thus  encouraged,  the  Soothsayer 
first  asked,  how  many  people  knew  of 
the  child 's  sex.  He  was  informed 
that,  besides  themselves  there  present, 
only  the  mother  and  the  attendant 
physician  as  yet  possessed  that  knowl 
edge  ;  but  the  whole  country  would 


Her  Majesty  the  King        27 

know  of  it,  to  their  grief,  when  the 
wrathful  Sultan  learned  how  his  hopes 
had  been  blighted.  "  And  upon  my 
head,  O  wretched  juggler,"  cried  the 
Pasha,  "  shall  fall  the  chief  weight  of 
his  anger.  Accursed  be  the  hour  in 
which  I  was  not  born  a  girl  ! "  The 
last  two  words  he  uttered  with  infinite 
grief  and  scorn. 

"  Then,  O  Pasha,  the  country  is  safe, 
if  the  Physician  be  silenced,  and  we, 
keeping  the  secret  to  ourselves,  inform 
the  Sultan  that  his  daughter  and  grand 
son  are  doing  well.  The  Sultan  is  very 
old  ( may  his  years  be  many  ! ),  and  he 
will  have  gone  to  his  fathers  long  ere 
he  discover  the  deception ;  and  thou 
and  thy  noble  spouse  shall  reign  in 
Kopaul  ere  anybody  know,  if  they  ever 
know,  that  thy  son  is  not  thy  son." 

Audacious  as  was  this  proposition, 
yet  the  Pasha  grasped  at  it  as  a  drown 
ing  man  at  a  straw,  especially  as  it  met 
the  approval  of  Shacabac.  He  gener- 


28         Her  Majesty  the  King 

ally  accepted  the  advice   of  that  wise 
and  good  philosopher. 

The  Soothsayer  and  the  Physician 
were  enjoined  to  strict  silence ;  and,  the 
better  to  insure  it,  they  were  com 
mended  to  the  care  of  Al  Choppah,  the 
Nubian,  who,  being  a  mute,  could  tell 
no  tales.  His  two  guests  do  not  ap 
pear  again  in  this  history. 


CHAPTER  III. 

The  hardest  thing  to  find  is  an  honest  partner  for 
a  swindle.  —  Samith. 

BUT  it   was   absolutely    necessary 
for  the  peace  and  dignity  of  the 
realm  of  Ubikwi  that  the  court 
should  not  be  without  an  official  Sooth 
sayer.     Wherefore  the  vacant  office  was 
presently  filled  by  a  young  and  prom 
ising  astrologer,   Badeg  by  name,  who 
had  studied  for  some  years  at  the  feet 
of  his  lamented  predecessor. 

Muley  Mustapha,  while  secretly 
contemning  the  whole  science  because 
of  the  wretched  blunder  whereby  he 
thought  himself  the  chief  sufferer 
( though  the  lately  deceased  soothsayer, 
had  he  been  able  to  give  an  opinion, 
might  have  thought  otherwise),  found 


30        Her  Majesty  the  King 

it  hard  work  to  keep  up  a  pretence  of 
respecting  the  new  incumbent  and  his 
office.  Kayenna,  more  alive  to  the 
danger  of  arousing  suspicion,  took 
pains  on  every  occasion  to  show  pro 
found  respect  for  the  holy  man,  and 
never  failed  to  enjoin  a  similar  course 
on  the  part  of  her  lord.  It  was  not 
her  fault  if  Muley  Mustapha  erred  on 
that  or,  indeed,  on  any  line  of  policy ; 
for  in  all  Ubikwi  there  was  not  a  wife 
more  ready  at  all  times  to  direct  her 
husband  in  the  path  of  right. 

Nevertheless,  there  was  something 
about  the  new  astrologer  which  caused 
her  uneasiness,  worried  Muley  Mus 
tapha,  and  disturbed  the  serene  imper 
turbability  of  Shacabac.  It  was  this. 
Whenever  he  issued  a  prediction,  were 
it  only  a  casual  prophecy  of  the  com 
ing  weather,  he  always  accompanied 
it  with  a  qualifying  phrase,  such  as, 
"Allah  permitting,"  "subject  to  other 
conditions,"  "  errors  and  omissions 


Her  Majesty  the  King         3 1 

excepted,"  or  something  equally  foreign 
to  all  the  traditions  and  precedents  of 
prophecy.  At  such  times  he  was  wont 
to  cast  at  Muley  Mustapha,  Kayenna, 
or  the  good  Shacabac  a  swift,  furtive 
glance  which  did  not  add  to  the  mental 
composure  of  any  of  them. 

Yet,  such  is  the  .effect  of  a  guilty 
conscience,  not  one  of  the  three  ever 
questioned  his  slightest  assurance,  no 
matter  how  the  prediction  turned  out. 
If  he  foretold  "  rains,  followed  by 
showers,  for  the  Lower  Lake  region," 
on  a  given  day,  and  that  day  happened 
to  be  the  sunniest  of  the  whole  year, 
the  Pasha  was  sure  to  appear  in  water 
proof  garments,  with  an  umbrella  osten 
tatiously  in  his  hand,  and  took  pains,  if 
he  met  the  prophet,  to  declare  that  this 
was  truly  a  wonderful  season  for  rain, 
but  no  doubt  it  would  be  good  for  the 
crops.  The  Soothsayer  never  made 
any  reply  other  than,  "  Great  is  Allah, 
and  wonderful  are  his  ways  !  " 


32         Her  Majesty  the  King 

Kayenna  was  annoyed  and  Shacabac 
alarmed  at  the  unwisdom  on  the  part 
of  Muley  Mustapha  in  thus  overdoing 
his  part,  especially  as  Badeg,  grown 
bolder  with  the  immunity  shown  him, 
began  to  be  absolutely  reckless  in  his 
prognostications,  sending  out  forecasts 
of  the  stock  market  which,  had  they 
been  followed,  would  have  bankrupted 
the  royal  exchequer. 

A  deputation  of  traders  called  upon 
the  Pasha  to  protest ;  but  the  wise 
Vizier  met  them  with  the  calm  assur 
ance  that  the  prophet  was  a  man 
marked  by  heaven  as  insane,  and  there 
fore  doubly  deserving  of  homage. 
"  Should  his  visitation  prove  chronic," 
said  the  sage,  "it  may  be  taken  as  a 
sign  that  he  should  be  made  custodian 
of  the  national  treasury."  Whereupon 
the  merchants  withdrew  their  protests, 
averring  with  one  voice  that  without 
doubt  the  Soothsayer  was  sane  and  wise 
beyond  the  sons  of  men,  and  that  they 


Her  Majesty  the  King         33 

would  thenceforth  accept  his  predic 
tions  as  inspired,  and  govern  them 
selves  accordingly.  The  which  they 
did  ;  but  it  was  noticed  that  the  market 
from  that  time  became  conservative, 
and  business  flourished  the  more  as  it 
was  fostered  the  less  by  government, 
even  as  the  Giaour  jest  hath  it,  that  the 
patient  getteth  well  or  dieth  without 
the  assistance  of  the  doctors. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

A  grandfather  is  a  man  who  has  two  chances  to 
make  a  fool  of  himself,  and  seldom  neglects  them. — 
Ginglymus. 

WHILE  the  events  recorded  in 
the  preceding  chapter  and 
covering  some  years  had 
their  influence  on  the  affairs  of  state, 
life  within  the  harem  went  quietly 
on.  Kayenna,  the  faithful  spouse  of 
Muley  Mustapha,  accepted  the  con 
gratulations  of  her  friends  on  the  birth 
of  little  Muley ;  and  it  was  remarked 
that,  so  devoted  a  mother  was  she,  no 
body  but  herself  was  ever  allowed  to 
nurse  or  watch  or  otherwise  care  for  the 
beloved  child. 

"  My  daughter  will    spoil    the   brat 
and  bring  him  up  a  regular  milksop," 


Her  Majesty  the  King        35 

growled  the  great  Sultan  one  day  after 
paying  a  prolonged  visit  to  the  happy 
couple.  "  I  thought  you  had  an  idea, 
Muley,  of  rearing  the  boy  to  be  a  manly 
fellow  and  letting  him  see  the  world." 

"  Truly,  I  had,"  was  the  reply,  rather 
sadly  made ;  "  but,  as  he  is  our  only 
child,  his  mother  is  so  passionately  at 
tached  to  him  that  I  cannot  find  it  in 
my  heart  to  train  him  as  robustly  as 
I  should  wish." 

"  Bosh  !  "  ejaculated  the  fiery  old 
monarch.  "  My  grandson  should  be 
taught  to  fear  nothing,  whereas  he 
looks  and  acts  like  a  girl.  Send  him 
to  Kopaul  for  a  while,  and  I  promise 
you  he  will  learn  some  manliness." 

But  to  this  proposition  Kayenna 
demurred  so  vigorously  that  the  old 
Sultan  was  forced  to  desist;  for  that 
truly  admirable  woman  had  the  happy 
faculty,  whether  as  daughter,  wife, 
or  mother,  of  bending  every  will  in 
her  own  direction,  which  was  that  of 


36        Her  Majesty  the  King 

righteousness  always.  Heaven  had 
blessed  her  from  infancy  with  a  fine  flow 
of  language,  accompanied  by  a 
noble  firmness  of  purpose,  so 
that  such  was  the  repute  of  her 
wisdom,  whenever  she  opened 
the  coral  portals  of  her  speech, 
the  whole  court  was  ready  to 
accept  her  dictum 
on  any  question 
rather  than  waste 
time  and  invite  hu 
miliation  by  the 
fruitless  attempt  to 
controvert  her. 

The  Sultan  went  home 
discontented.  Before  de 
parting,  he  took  Muley 
Mustapha  aside,  and  said 
impressively  :  "  Muley,  if 
I  had  a  wife  like  yours,  I 
would  teach  her  humility  if 
I  used  up  a  cord  of  bam 
boos  and  half  a  dozen 


Her  Majesty  the  King         37 

eunuchs."  Then,  sighing  heavily,  he 
added :  "  After  all,  it  is  not  your  fault, 
but  that  of  myself,  who  brought  her  up 
sparingly  as  to  the  bamboo.  If  you 
should  ever  have  a  daughter,  Muley," 
—  the  Pasha  gave  a  slight  start  at  the 
word,  —  "  which  Allah  forbid !  "  con 
tinued  the  Sultan,  "  take  the  advice  of 
an  old  man,  and  "  —  He  finished  the 
sentence  with  an  eloquent  gesture  of 
the  right  arm  extended  from  the  shoul 
der  at  an  upward  angle  of  forty-five 
degrees,  fingers  close  together,  and 
palm  forward.  This  gesture,  when 
made  with  the  arm  raised  perpendicu 
larly,  is  a  sign  of  peace  among  the 
Bedouins  and  other  nomads.  It  was 
not  as  such  that  the  Sultan  employed  it. 
"  What  did  my  father  mean  by  lift 
ing  his  hand  like  the  sail  of  a  wind 
mill  ?  And  of  what  was  he  speaking  as 
he  bade  you  farewell  ?  "  asked  Kayenna, 
when  she  and  Muley  found  themselves 
alone.  "  Oh,  nothing,"  was  the  reply. 


38         Her  Majesty  the  King 

"He  was  talking  about  the  education 
of  our  daught "  — 

"  Muley  Mustapha  !  Do  you  mean 
to  say  that  you  told  him  ?  " 

"  No,  no,  my  dear,  of  course  not. 
Only  when  he  said  something  about 
our  ever  having  a  daughter,  I  was  so 
surprised  that  I  feared  he  might  have 
suspected  something,  and  for  the  mo 
ment  regretted  that  we  had  deceived 
him  about  his  c  grandson.' ' 

"  And,  pray,  who  deceived  him  ?  " 
queried  Kayenna,  with  icy  severity. 
"  I,  for  one,  have  not.  I  have  never 
told  him  that  our  little  darling  was  or 
was  not  a  boy.  If  he  choose  to  deceive 
himself  or  to  be  deceived  by  tricksters 
like  your  vagabond  Vizier,  that  is  his 
own  concern,  not  mine.  I  know  what 
his  gesture  signified  ;  but,  thank  Allah, 
corporal  punishment  was  abolished  in 
my  nursery  by  my  angel  mother,  and 
my  honored  sire  has  not  forgotten  the 
occasion,  I  ween." 


Her  Majesty  the  King        39 

Kayenna  wore  such  a  pensive  smile 
of  retrospective  happiness  in  saying  this 
that  Muley  Mustapha  did  not  give  a 
moment's  entertainment  to  his  father- 
in-law's  counsel,  but  prudently  resolved 
to  put  the  bamboo  plant  to  other  and 
more  profitable  uses ;  and  Shacabac,  to 
whom  he  confided  his  troubles,  com 
mented  sagely  :  "  The  spinster  knoweth 
how  to  bring  up  children,  and  the  bach 
elor  to  rule  a  wife.  It  is  well  that  they 
remain  single :  else  who  would  be  will 
ing  to  leave  this  happy  world,  had  they 
the  direction  of  its  family  affairs  ?  " 

"  How  hath  it  happened,"  asked  the 
Pasha,  after  ruminating  some  minutes 
on  this  proposition,  "  that  thou  thyself 
hast  never  married  ?  " 

"Solely  in  order  that  I  might  the 
better  devote  myself  to  the  improve 
ment  and  instruction  of  my  fellow- 
men  ;  for,  if  there  be  one  man  on  earth 
who  knoweth  less  than  all  others,  it  is 
he  who  is  the  husband  of  a  wife,  and 


40         Her  Majesty  the  King 

she  will  be  first  to  tell  him  the  same. 
While  Allah  preserveth  her,  his  halo 
shall  never  be  too  small  for  his  head. 

"  No  man  knoweth  what  true  happi 
ness  is  until  he  getteth  married :  then  is 
the  knowledge  rather  a  sweet  memory 
than  a  new  boon. 

"Twice  blessed  is  he  in  whose  tent 
dwell  both  his  mother  and  his  wife's 
mother ;  for,  even  though  he  gain  not 
Paradise,  yet  shall  he  fear  not  Gehenna. 

"  In  choosing  a  wife,  disdain  not 
youth  nor  beauty ;  for  these  are  things 
which  time  will  cure. 

"  Love  not  a  woman  for  her  riches  ; 
but,  loving  first  the  riches,  thou  shalt 
learn  in  time  to  love  her  for  their 
sake. 

"  There  are  two  ways  of  missing  the 
miseries  of  matrimony :  one  is  by  not 
getting  married,  the  other  by  not  being 
born.  The  Prophet  hath  said  that 
there  is  a  third,  which  is  by  always 
overlooking  the  errors  of  thy  partner. 


Shacabac,  the  Sage 


Her  Majesty  the  King        41 

I  know  naught  about  this,  but  it  recall- 
eth  an  apologue  :  — 

"  There  were  two  brothers  of  Bas- 
sorah  who  dwelt  under  the  same  roof, 
both  being  married.  They  had  the 
misfortune,  about  the  same  time,  to 
offend  their  wives  most  grievously. 
Kadijah,  the  wife  of  the  elder,  was  so 
incensed  that  she  never  again  spoke  to 
her  lord.  Zobeide,  the  younger,  not 
only  forgave  her  spouse,  but  made  it  a 
point  every  day,  in  reminding  him  of 
his  fault,  to  forgive  him  again  most 
solemnly.  Yet  was  the  husband  of 
Zobeide  no  happier  than  that  of 
Kadijah ;  and  when,  finally  losing  pa 
tience,  she  procured  a  divorce  from 
him,  the  ungrateful  wretch  only  said, 
'  It  is  better  to  have  loved  and  lost 
than  never  to  have  lost  at  all.'  Truly, 
matrimony  is  a  state  into  which  none 
but  the  wise  should  enter,  and  they  do 
not." 

Encouraged  by  the  silent  approval  of 


42         Her  Majesty  the  King 

the  Pasha  and  fortified  by  a  copious 
draught  of  the  strong  waters  forbidden, 
but  not  unknown,  to  true  believers,  — 
concerning  the  use  whereof  he  had  elo 
quently  written:  "Hospitality  saith, 
'  Be  blind  when  the  guest  helpeth  him 
self  to  thy  wine  flask  ;  but  be  deaf  when 
he  asketh  for  more '  ;  also,  '  Tempt  not 
thy  neighbor  with  the  cup  which  ine 
briates,  lest  he  fall ;  but,  if  thy  neighbor 
offer  thee  to  drink,  refuse  him  not,  lest 
thou  give  him  needless  pain,'  "  —  the 
Sage  continued :  — 

"  To  be  constant  in  love  to  one 
is  good :  to  be  constant  to  many  is 
great. 

"  Politeness  between  husband  and 
wife  costeth  nothing.  Were  it  other 
wise,  the  virtue  would  be  even  rarer 
than  it  now  is. 

"  Marry  not  any  woman  out  of  grati 
tude,  lest  perchance  she  come  in  time 
to  wonder  where  the  reward  cometh 
in." 


Her  Majesty  the  King        43 

Furthermore,  he  inculcated  the  sage 
maxim  :  "  Save  up  money  for  a  rainy 
day,  and  it  is  sure  to  rain." 

He  also  added,  perhaps  irrelevantly, 
—  for  like  other  great  philosophers  he 
never  allowed  his  mind  to  be  fettered 
by  text  or  theme,  —  "  Be  not  concerned 
if  thou  findest  thyself  in  possession  of 
unexpected  wealth.  Allah  will  provide 
an  unexpected  use  for  it." 

In  conclusion,  he  said  impressively, 
after  vainly  shaking  the  now  empty  wine- 
flask  :  "  It  hath  been  said  of  the  son  of 
the  desert,  '  Lo  !  he  hath  sand ' ;  but 
what  availeth  a  whole  Sahara,  and  no 
sugar  to  blend  therewith  ?  Or  who 
that  hath  a  river  before  his  door,  and 
never  a  cow  in  his  barn,  shall  grow  rich 
in  the  milk  business  ?  " 

To  this  pertinent  question  the  ven 
erable  Muley  Mustapha  made  no  re 
joinder,  because  in  truth  he  had  fallen 
asleep  ere  the  Sage  had  been  fairly 
launched  on  his  discourse,  which  would 


44         Her  Majesty  the  King 

have  been  lost  to  posterity,  had  not  the 
speaker  thoughtfully  taken  notes  of  the 
same,  —  a  practice  commended  to  all 
preachers  afflicted  with  drowsy  congre 
gations. 

Shacabac  withdrew  silently  from  the 
presence,  musing  —  not  for  the  first  time 
—  on  the  generous  lack  of  appreciation 
bestowed  by  the  great  upon  the  wise. 
As  he  was  about  to  enter  his  humble 
domicile,  he  suddenly  perceived  a  large 
tiger  stretched  sleeping  before  his  hearth, 
whereupon  he  moved  noiselessly  to  the 
roof  of  the  house  without  disturbing 
the  fierce  animal  or  alarming  the  other 
inmates  who  might  molest  the  unbidden 
visitor.  Unhappily,  his  delicacy  was 
but  ill  rewarded ;  for  his  rich  and  parsi 
monious  uncle,  whose  fortune  he  sub 
sequently  inherited,  on  entering  the 
kitchen  the  next  morning,  was  incon 
tinently  devoured  by  the  ungrateful 
brute.  The  sad  event  was  commemo 
rated  by  the  Sage  in  a  noble  threnody, 


Her  Majesty  the  King        45 

wherein  the  virtue  of  resignation  is 
beautifully  set  forth.  Rare  indeed  was 
the  occasion,  or  dire  the  catastrophe, 
from  which  the  worthy  man  could  not 
extract  some  moral  or  material  benefit 


CHAPTER  V. 

An  omen,  said  the  Fakir,  is  a  sign  of  the  future. 
Blame  not  the  omen,  but  the  future,  if  the  sign  prove 
not  true.  —  Shira%,  the  Younger. 

SO  it  came  to  pass  that  little  Muley 
grew  up  into  his  nineteenth  year, 
a  tall,  well-favored,  graceful  strip 
ling,  but  distinctly  a  "  mother's  boy  "  ; 
and  nobody  but  his  parents  and  the  dis 
creet  Shacabac    held,   or  thought  they 
held,  the  secret  of  his    effeminate  ap 
pearance. 

Then  one  day,  sudden  and  fearful  as 
the  khamsin  wind  of  the  desert,  came 
a  message  from  the  aged  grandsire,  in 
forming  Muley  Mustapha  and  Kayenna 
that  he  had  contracted  a  noble  alliance 
for  the  heir  to  his  throne  with  the  Prin 
cess  Amine,  only  daughter  of  his  neigh 
bor,  the  powerful  King  of  Nhulpar. 


Her  Majesty  the  King        47 

Now  here  was  a  most  serious  com 
plication.  The  King  of  Nhulpar  was 
the  mightiest  monarch  of  all  the  earth. 
Twenty  caliphates  trembled  at  his  nod; 
an  hundred  thousand  lances  were  levelled 
at  his  word ;  the  number  of  wild  riders 
ready  to  follow  his  standard  were  as  the 
sands  of  the  desert  multiplied  by  the 
sands  of  the  seashore.  When  he  said, 
"  Do  this,"  it  must  be  done,  whether  it 
could  be  done  or  not.  In  fact,  he 
rather  liked  performing  impossibilities 
by  proxy,  the  daring  one  who  failed  in 
the  task  being  added  to  his  Majesty's 
large  and  varied  collection  in  the  royal 
mausoleum  of  Dedhed. 

Had  he  known  that  the  Sultan  of 
Kopaul  in  offering  his  "grandson's" 
hand  in  marriage  to  the  Princess  Amine 
was  essaying  the  most  impossible  of  all 
impossibilities,  he  would  have  been  de 
lighted  beyond  expression.  He  had 
not  a  single  Sultan's  head  in  his  album  ; 
but  even  that  of  a  Pasha  was  not  to  be 

4 


48         Her  Majesty  the  King 

despised,  as  Muley  Mustapha  thought 
with  a  shudder,  when  he  was  apprised 
of  his  father-in-law's  well-meant  but 
most  compromising  negotiations. 

What  was  to  be  done?  It  was  not 
possible  much  longer  to  deceive  the 
old  Sultan ;  and  it  was  absolutely  out 
of  the  question  to  traverse  the  wishes 
of  the  fiery  king. 

"  You  see  to  what  a  pass  you  and 
your  vagabond  Vizier  have  brought 
us,"  said  Kayenna.  "  Now,  mayhap, 
you  may  be  able  between  you  to  extri 
cate  us  from  it." 

"I  —  I  don't  know,"  stuttered  the 
bewildered  Pasha,  who  did  not  see  why 
he  was  especially  to  blame  for  the  blun 
der  of  a  dead  and  gone  Soothsayer. 
Then,  clutching  at  the  suggestion  of  a 
companion  in  misery,  he  added :  "  By 
all  means,  my  dear,  let  us  call  in  Shaca- 
bac ;  and  he  may  advise  us  for  the  best. 
He  has  some  very  sound  views  upon 
matrimony,  I  know." 


Her  Majesty  the  King        49 

"  Yes,  no  doubt  he  has,"  said  Kay- 
enna,  ironically.  "  I  can  fancy  what 
they  are  like,  but  I  should  wish  to 
have  him  repeat  them  to  me."  Kay- 
enna  did  not  admire  the  abstruse  phi 
losophy  of  Shacabac,  which  she  did  not 
fully  understand ;  but,  with  keen  femi 
nine  intuition,  she  knew  that  it  could 
be  only  evil,  for  she  disliked  the  phi 
losopher.  She  was,  however,  seriously 
impressed  with  one  of  his  more  homely 
maxims,  which  she  always  endeavored 
to  follow,  namely  :  — 

"Talk  not  with  thy  guest  of  his 
own  affairs,  for  with  those  he  is 
sufficiently  acquainted ;  but  discourse 
ever  of  thine  own,  —  of  thy  good 
luck  and  ill,  of  thy  horses,  thy  ser 
vants,  thy  children,  and  thine  ailments. 
If  thou  dost  not  succeed  thereby  in 
making  him  feel  at  home,  thou  mayst 
at  least  induce  him  to  wish  himself 
there." 

Fortified  by  these  maxims,  Kayenna 


50         Her  Majesty  the  King 

consented  to  the  presence  of  the  Sage 
at  the  family  council. 

The  messenger  despatched  for  Sha- 
cabac  found  him  in  his  lecture  hall,  dis 
coursing  to  a  class  of  scholars  on 
Omens,  and  illustrating  his  words  of 
wisdom  with  apposite  examples.  Even 
royalty  had  to  wait  until  the  precious 
pearls  falling  from  his  lips  should  be 
gathered  by  his  hearers.  He  was 
saying :  — 

"  It  is  very  lucky  to  find  a  horse 
shoe,  if  there  be  a  horse  attached ;  but 
unlucky,  if  the  owner  be  about. 

"  It  is  a  bad  omen  to  meet,  on  leav 
ing  thy  house  in  the  morning,  a  mad 
dog,  a  tiger  which  hath  not  break 
fasted,  or  a  man  to  whom  thou  owest 
money. 

"  Steel  cuts  love.  The  great  Sultan 
Ras-el-Dasl  never  knew  perfect  con 
jugal  bliss  after  inadvertently  throw 
ing  the  carving  knife  at  his  favorite 
sultana. 


Her  Majesty  the  King        5 1 

"  To  break  a  mirror  is  also  porten 
tous  of  evil.  Backsheesh,  the  porter, 
once  incautiously  smashed  a  large  pier- 
glass  over  the  head  of  his  spouse ;  and 
it  cost  him  a  month's  fees  to  replace 
them  both. 

"  It  is  unlucky  to  sleep  thirteen  in  a 
bed." 

Here  the  Sage  was  rudely  inter 
rupted  by  a  voice,  which  said,  "  I 
know  of  something  yet  more  unlucky 
than  all  of  these,  —  something  which 
neither  great  nor  small,  neither  Pasha 
nor  Sage,  may  do  with  impunity." 

Shacabac  fixed  an  angry  eye  in  the 
direction  of  the  intruder,  but  lowered  it 
when  he  discovered  the  speaker  to  be 
Badeg,  who  was  gazing  at  him  with  a 
contemptuous  leer. 

"  I  see  a  messenger  from  the  palace," 
said  the  Sage ;  "  and  this  class  is  now 
dismissed.  Badeg,  I  will  speak  with 
thee  anon ;  for  I  would  fain  know  what 
thou  hast  learned  from  the  stars  that  is 


52         Her  Majesty  the  King 

more  wondrous  than  the  marvels  of 
which  I  have  humbly  discoursed." 

"  Speak  as  thou  wishest,  or  hold  thy 
tongue,  if  that  be  wiser,"  replied  the 
Astrologer,  insolently  ;  "  but  my  words 
are  for  thy  betters,  who  may  find  them 
more  precious  than  golden  sequins,  and 
only  less  valuable  than  my  silence." 

With  this  significant  threat,  Badeg 
wrapped  his  mantle  about  him,  and 
strode  away,  leaving  a  visible  impres 
sion  on  the  minds  of  the  students,  who 
listened  to  him  in  wonder. 

Shacabac,  much  disconcerted,  re 
paired  to  the  palace,  where  he  remained 
long  in  consultation  with  the  Pasha  and 
his  spouse. 

But,  in  a  case  wholly  without  prece 
dent  in  history  or  fiction,  the  wisdom 
of  even  so  great  a  man  as  Shacabac  is 
necessarily  at  fault:  the  experience  of 
one  so  aged  as  Muley  Mustapha  avails 
no  more  than  the  instincts  of  a  child. 
Only  the  intuition  of  the  superior  mind 


Her  Majesty  the  King        53 

finds  a  solution  of  the  difficulty,  or, 
at  worst,  a  means  of  deferring  the  ca 
tastrophe. 

The  present  case  proved  to  be  no  ex 
ception.  After  listening  patiently  to  the 
timid  suggestions  of  her  lord  and  the 
ineffectual  though  sagacious  aphorisms 
of  the  Vizier,  Kayenna  calmly  ob 
served  :  "  I  see  that  there  is  but  one 
way  of  settling  the  matter.  I  will  go 
with  the  child  to  Nhulpar." 

"  And  tell  the  King  the  truth  ? " 
cried  both  men,  in  consternation. 

"And  tell  the  King  the  truth," 
echoed  Kayenna,  blandly. 

"  But  it  will  cost  both  of  your  lives  !  " 
exclaimed  Shacabac. 

"  It  will  cost  me  my  Pachalik,"  cried 
Muley  Mustapha,  dismally. 

"  It  will  cost  fifty  thousand  gold  se 
quins,  to  begin  with,"  replied  the  noble 
matron.  "  As  a  preliminary  step,  you 
will  order  the  First  Lord  of  the  Treas 
ury  to  go  into  the  Street  of  the  Money- 


54         Her  Majesty  the  King 

changers,  taking  the  Court  Torturer 
along  with  him,  and  solicit  a  loan  of 
that  sum,  at  par,  within  half  an  hour. 
I  shall  prepare  for  our  departure  on 
the  day  after  to-morrow,  at  sunrise. 
You,  Shacabac,  will  come  with  us.  See 
that  the  caravan  and  guards  be  ready 
ere  the  break  of  day." 


CHAPTER   VI. 

The  man  who  can  invent  a  good  working  substi 
tute  for  honesty  has  yet  to  be  invented  himself.  — 
Eastern  Proverb. 

GREAT  were  the  rejoicings  in 
Ubikwi  when  the  news  was  an 
nounced  that  the  young  Prince 
Muley  was  about  to  wed  the  daughter 
of  the  mighty  King  of  Nhulpar,  becom 
ing  thereby  prospective  heir  not  only 
to  the  Pachalik  of  Ubikwi,  but  also  to 
a  great  Sultanship  and  a  vastly  greater 
Kingdom.  The  people  rejoiced  with 
great  joy,  not  reflecting  that,  perchance, 
the  cost  of  sustaining  the  triple  digni 
ties  might  fall  heavy  on  their  own 
shoulders.  But  it  hath  ever  been  the 
way  of  the  populace  to  take  delight  in 
increased  burdens,  provided  the  pack 
ages  only  be  gaudily  decorated; 


56        Her  Majesty  the  King 

wherein  they  differ  from  the  camel 
and  the  ass  and  other  brute  beasts, 
which  have  no  appreciation  of  aes 
thetics. 

The  merchants,  especially,  who  ev 
erywhere  boast  of  being  a  conservative 
class,  that  would  rather  pay  ten  piastres 
of  tribute  than  one  for  the  suppression 
of  brigandage,  hastened  to  lay  their 
loyal  congratulations  before  the  Pasha. 
Shacabac  received  them  affably,  and 
in  reply  to  their  address  delivered  a 
discourse  fraught  with  practical  wisdom, 
of  which  unhappily  only  a  few  frag 
ments  have  been  preserved  to  this  day ; 
but  these  are  not  without  their  value  to 
traders  of  another  and  a  foreign  gener 
ation.  He  said :  — 

"We  have  all  more  or  less  to  do 
with  Commerce.  We  buy  goods,  and 
sometimes  pay  for  them.  We  sell 
the  precious  products  of  our  hands  or 
brains  at  the  best  price  we  can  get.  If 
the  buyer  pays  up,  we  are  sorry  that  we 


Her  Majesty  the  King        57 

did  not  charge  him  more.  If  he  fails, 
we  are  glad  that  he  did  not  decide  to 
pay  less  on  the  piastre.  When  we  have 
grown  very  rich,  we  speculate ;  and  that 
keeps  us  from  being  purse-proud  and 
haughty. 

"  Be  diligent  in  keeping  your  ac 
counts.  It  is  better  to  charge  an  item 
twice  than  to  forget  to  charge  it  once. 
That  is  the  true  principle  of  Double 
Entry. 

"  Pay  as  you  go,  but  not  if  you  in 
tend  going  for  good. 

"  Boast  not  of  your  wealth  ;  but  let 
humility  curb  your  tongues  when  the 
Assessor  cometh  around. 

"  Buy  when  the  market  is  rising : 
sell  when  it  is  going  to  fall.  If  you  be 
not  a  prophet,  any  friend  on  the  Street 
will  notify  you  of  each  impending 
change.  Were  it  not  for  this  unfail 
ing,  beautiful  trust  in  human  nature, 
few  of  us  would  be  able  to  make 
money. 


58         Her  Majesty  the  King 

"  In  selling  goods  by  sample,  let  the 
samples  be  at  least  as  good  as  the 
bulk  of  the  merchandise. 

"  Do  not  put  all  the  best  figs  at  the 
top  of  the  crate.  Have  just  as  good  a 
layer  on  the  bottom  also  ;  for  there  are 
sometimes  evil-minded  persons  who 
open  the  package  at  that  end. 

"  Concerning  truth  :  Do  not  believe 
all  that  you  hear  or  see,  —  not  even  in 
the  newspapers.  Advertisers  are  human 
and  liable  to  err. 

"It  is  a  great  mistake  to  suppose 
that  all  men  are  rogues.  If  there  were 
not  a  large  majority  of  fools  in  the 
world,  who  would  buy  stocks  ? 

"The  essence  of  Free  Trade  is  em 
bodied  in  the  axiom  :  Buy  in  the  cheap 
est  and  sell  in  the  dearest  market. 
This  is  absolutely  correct.  I  myself 
have  bought  shares  for  *  half  nothing,' 
and  doubled  my  money  inside  of  a 
week. 

"Time   is   money.      Every    second 


Her  Majesty  the  King        59 

saved  at  your  mid-day  lunch  means 
so  many  sequins  by  and  by  for  your 
family  physician. 

"  Be  not  angry  with  your  creditors,  if 
they  importune  you.  It  is  nobler  to 
forgive  and  forget  them. 

"  c  Three  removes  are  as  bad  as  a 
fire,'  but  that  depends  largely  on  how 
you  stand  with  the  underwriters. 

"  Do  not  judge  a  customer  by  the 
clothes  he  wears :  he  may  not  have 
paid  for  them.  Be  courteous  to  all 
men.  The  humblest  of  your  neigh 
bors  may  sit  upon  your  jury  one  day. 

"  A  business  man  who  finds  it  neces 
sary  to  attend  a  daily  noon  prayer- 
meeting  is  either  abnormally  virtuous 
or  his  piety  is  of  a  kind  that  needs  a 
good  deal  of  stimulus  to  keep  it  going." 

A  young  man  who  had  listened  with 
attention  to  this  discourse  came  at  the 
close  to  Shacabac  and  asked,  "  How 
shall  I  become  rich  without  too  much 
trouble?" 


60         Her  Majesty  the  King 

"  List  to  me,"  replied  the  wise  man, 
"  and  I  will  teach  thee  in  six  easy  con 
secutive  lessons,  at  one  sequin  per 
lesson." 

The  young  man,  joyfully  complying, 
paid  the  money,  and  sat  at  the  feet  of 
the  Sage.  But,  when  the  course  was 
over,  he  cried  out,  "  Bismillah  !  thou 
hast  taught  me  naught." 

"  Nay,"  returned  the  Sage.  "  I  have 
taught  thee  how  to  make  six  sequins. 
Go  to,  ungrateful  one." 

And  the  ungrateful  one,  abashed  at 
the  reproof,  immediately  opened  a 
Commercial  College  where  every  branch 
of  Business  could  be  learned  "  while 
you  wait." 

But  the  envious  Badeg,  looking  on, 
scoffed  aloud,  saying,  "  /  know  how  to 
make  a  fortune  without  waiting  at  all !  " 


CHAPTER  VII. 

Nevertheless,  much  depends  on  a  man's  horo 
scope.  One  is  born  in  the  desert,  and  becomes  a 
brigand  ;  another  is  reared  in  the  great  city,  and 
publishes  books.  It  is  Kismet.  —  Ben  Haround. 

A  SPLENDID  retinue  attended  the 
virtuous  Kayenna,  the  high 
born  Prince  Muley,  and  the 
Sage  Shacabac,  as  they  set  out  at  sun 
rise  of  the  next  day,  from  the  gates 
of  Ubikwi,  on  the  long  and  toilsome 
journey  to  Nhulpar.  Muley  Mustapha 
watched  them  with  tearful  eyes,  not 
knowing  when,  if  ever,  they  might 
return,  nor  what  might  be  the  event  of 
their  enterprise  ;  still  less  —  and  this  con 
cerned  him  most  sorely  —  what  would 
become  of  him  in  their  absence.  Nor 
were  his  forebodings  lightened  when  he 
beheld  the  astrologer  t  Badeg  grinning 


62         Her  Majesty  the  King 

malevolently  at  the  departing  caravan. 
He  would  have  been  even  more  dis 
turbed  in  mind,  had  he  seen  the  latter,  as 
the  cavalcade  was  setting  forth,  pluck 
the  sleeve  of  Shacabac,  and  heard  him 
whisper  the  fateful  words  :  "  You  asked 
me  what  omen  was  more  malign  than 
any  of  those  you  named.  I  will  tell 
you.  It  is  to  cheat  a  mighty  Sultan 
and  try  to  cheat  a  mightier  King  by 
palming  off  a  Princess  for  a  Prince  I  " 

Pale  with  mingled  anger  and  aston 
ishment,  Shacabac  rode  his  camel  beside 
that  of  Kayenna,  and,  begging  a  private 
interview,  hastily  confided  to  her  the 
malignant  words  of  the  astrologer. 
The  brow  of  the  fair  lady  darkened  as 
much  as  a  brow  so  fair  could  lose  its 
alabaster  hue.  Then,  summoning  her 
chief  of  staff,  she  said  to  him,  "  Hark 
ye,  Ben  Zoin,  trusty  servant  of  my 
royal  father,  take  at  once  twenty  of 
your  best  lances,  and,  when  we  shall 
have  reached  the  well  of  Al-kohol,  and 


Ben  Zmn 


Her  Majesty  the  King        63 

the  caravan  is  in  bivouac,  steal  forth 
with  them,  letting  no  man  know  it  but 
yourselves,  and  ride  as  for  your  lives 
to  the  capital  of  Kopaul.  Demand 
immediate  audience  of  the  Sultan,  — 
this  signet  ring  will  admit  you  at  any 
hour,  —  tell  him  that  there  is  treason  in 
Ubikwi.  Bid  him  summon  his  forces, 
and  march  at  once  to  the  relief  of  my 
husband.  Should  he  find  the  rebels 
contumacious  and  able  to  withstand 
him,  let  him  say  to  them  that  Kayenna 
of  Ubikwi,  with  her  son,  the  Heir 
Apparent  of  Nhulpar,  and  an  hundred 
thousand  spears,  will  be  at  the  gates 
ere  the  waning  of  another  moon.  Go, 
and  be  silent ;  for  traitors  may  be  in 
this  caravan  also." 

The  bearded,  black-browed  Ben  Zoin 
bowed  as  he  took  the  sacred  signet,  and 
promised  to  be  at  the  capital  of  Kopaul 
as  speedily  as  camel  might  carry  him. 

"  Thou  didst  well  to  tell  me  of  that 
caitiff's  words,  good  Shacabac,"  said 

5 


64         Her  Majesty  the  King 

Kayenna,  graciously ;  "  and,  though 
thou  art  not  over-clever  in  all  things,  yet 
I  believe  thee  honest  in  most.  For  this 
act  thou  mayst  find  thyself  one  day 
Grand  Vizier  of  three  realms,  an  thou 
diest  not  of  thy  weight  of  wisdom  in 
the  mean  time." 

Laughing  gayly  as  the  caravan  pres 
ently  came  in  sight  of  the  oasis  of 
Al-kohol,  she  gave  the  order  to  camp 
for  the  night.  But  ere  the  second 
hour  of  encampment  had  passed,  Ben 
Zoin  and  a  score  of  the  best  lances  in 
the  cavalcade  had  stolen  noiselessly  out 
of  the  enclosure ;  and  none  were  missed 
until  the  morning's  muster. 

"  Where  is  my  trusty  Ben  Zoin  ? " 
asked  Kayenna,  when  the  caravan  was 
forming  in  order  of  march.  Shaca- 
bac  was  so  surprised  at  the  question, 
knowing  what  he  knew,  that  he  was  on 
the  point  of  explaining  to  her,  when  a 
look  from  her  keen  eyes  closed  his  lips. 


Her  Majesty  the  King         65 

"  God  is  great,"  he  muttered  to  him 
self.  "  Of  a  verity,  I  am  becoming  an 
imbecile ;  or,  mayhap,  I  have  been  one 
all  my  life  without  knowing  it.  If  so, 
Allah  be  praised  !  there  is  yet  some 
hope  for  me ;  for  he  who  beginneth  to 
understand  himself  hath  at  least  reached 
the  outer  portals  of  Knowledge.  But 
what  an  actress  she  is  !  " 

Nobody  seemed  able  to  answer  the 
question  propounded  so  simply.  The 
captains  of  the  guard,  all  old  soldiers 
and  comrades  of  the  missing  warrior, 
said  that  they  knew  not  how  to  explain 
his  absence. 

"  He  may  have  gone  reconnoitring," 
said  one. 

"  Some  mischance  hath  surely  be 
fallen  him  in  the  night,"  said  another. 

"  An  evil  genie  may  have  spirited 
away  him  and  his  companions,"  said  a 
third,  who  was  brave,  but  imaginative, 
and  suspected  of  composing  poetry  in 
his  hours  off  duty. 


66         Her  Majesty  the  King 

"  Most  likely  he  hath  proven  traitor, 
and  deserted,"  said  the  voice  of  an 
other,  who  was  not  of  the  old  guard. 

"  Ha  !  what  sayest  thou  ?  "  cried  Kay- 
enna.  "  Come  hither.  Thy  words  are 
ominous.  Come  to  my  tent  at  noon 
day,  and  we  will  inquire  further.  This 
disappearance  must  be  explained." 

Nothing  more  was  heard  of  the  miss 
ing  soldier  and  his  fellows ;  and  the 
caravan,  much  disturbed  in  mind,  halted 
at  noon  by  the  oasis  of  Rhi,  near  to  the 

wells  of  Burbon,  famed  for  the  exhilar- 

» 

ating  quality  of  their  waters. 

"  And  so  thou  hast  reason  to  appre 
hend  that  Ben  Zoin  and  his  men  have 
deserted  the  caravan  of  the  Pasha's 
wife,  being  traitors  or  cowards  ? " 
queried  Kayenna  of  the  man  who  had 
suggested  that  explanation  at  the  morn 
ing  muster. 

"  No,"  stammered  the  man  :  "  I  have 
no  reason,  only  that  it  stands  to  reason 
that  they  could  not  have  gone  away 


Her  Majesty  the  King         67 

save  of  their  free  will ;  and  what  else 
could  they  be  but  traitors  if  they  "  — 

"  Strange,"  mused  Kayenna,  "  that  an 
honest  man  never  suspects  his  neighbor 
of  being  a  knave,  while  a  rascal  is  ever 
distrustful.  But  suspicion  is  like  a 
plague.  Once  started,  it  attacks  all. 
/  even  have  caught  the  infection,  and 
cannot  withhold  my  suspicions  of  this 
worthy  fellow.  Let  him  be  searched 
forthwith,  so  that  my  unjust  thoughts 
of  him  may  be  forever  dispelled." 

So,  in  despite  of  his  protestations 
and  even  vigorous  resistance,  he  was 
promptly  stripped  ;  and,  lo  !  within  the 
lining  of  his  caftan  was  found  a  scroll 
of  parchment  addressed  to  his  Majesty, 
the  King  of  Nhulpar. 

"I  did  not  know,"  said  Kayenna, 
"  that  we  had  in  our  retinue  a  bearer  of 
dispatches  to  the  sovereign  whom  we 
are  about  to  visit.  From  our  worthy 
lord,  mayhap  ?  " 

The  poor  wretch  only  shook  his  head. 


68         Her  Majesty  the  King 

"  Not,  perchance,  from  our  royal 
father,  of  Kopaul  ?  " 

The  captive  groaned. 

"  Then,  as  it  does  not  appear  to  be 
a  privileged  communication,  I  will  take 
the  liberty  of  inspecting  its  contents. 
Meanwhile,  Shacabac,  you  will  bear 
witness  that  I  have  the  messenger's  per 
mission  to  examine  the  document." 

As  a  matter  of  fact,  she  had  not  that 
permission;  but  the  last  man  on  earth 
to  challenge  the  statement  at  that  mo 
ment  was  the  poor  wretch  pinioned  by 
two  stout  guards  and  overshadowed  by 
the  giant  form  of  Al  Choppah,  who, 
without  understanding  a  word  that  was 
said,  grinned  anticipatively,  as  a  consci 
entious  sinecure  might,  at  the  thought 
of  doing  something,  however  trifling,  in 
the  line  of  duty. 

"To  his  Most  Puissant  Majesty, 
the  Mighty  King  of  Nhulpar,"  read 
Kayenna,  as  she  unrolled  the  scroll, 
"  from  Badeg,  Astrologer-in-chief  to 


Her  Majesty  the  King         69 

the  Court  of  Ubikwi,  in  prospective  to 
the  Court  of  Kopaul,  and  in  humble 
hope  to  the  Royal  Court  of  Nhulpar, 
these : 

"  I  take  this  opportunity  to  inform 
your  most  gracious  Majesty  that  the 
caravan  which  sets  forth  this  day  for 
your  royal  court  goes  upon  a  wicked 
and  deceitful  errand ;  namely,  to  im 
pose  upon  your  Majesty." 

"  That  is  enough,"  said  Kayenna,  re 
folding  the  scroll.  "  I  see  that  thy 
master  has  been  good  enough  to  cast 
the  horoscope  of  the  King  of  Nhulpar  ; 
and  a  very  pretty  one  it  is.  Pray  tell 
me,  has  he  cast  thine,  also  ?  No ! 
Well,  let  me  do  it  for  thee.  It  is  not 
a  very  bright  one;  but  it  hath  this 
advantage  over  even  more  auspicious 
predictions,  that  it  is  absolutely  and  ir 
revocably  true.  I  do  not  need  to  know 
under  what  planet  or  conjunction  of 
the  stars  thou  wast  born,  nor  in  what 
*  house '  a  single  sign  of  the  zodiac  was 


70         Her  Majesty  the  King 

domiciled  on  that  unlucky  day.  Thy 
fortune  began  with  the  moment  when 
thou  didst  accept  the  commission  of 
that  villain  Badeg  to  play  the  spy  and 
traitor  on  this  caravan,  and  it  will  end 
ere  the  sun  set  on  another  day.  Hast 
ever  heard  of  the  two-headed  Snake  of 
Rhi,  the  horrible  monster  with  a  veno 
mous  mouth  at  either  end  of  his  body, 
wherewith  he  devours  his  prey  ?  What  ? 
Badeg  forgot  to  mention  that  trifling 
wonder  to  thee  ?  What  a  dull  knave 
he  is  to  set  himself  up  for  an  astrolo 
ger  !  In  a  little  while  thou  shalt  know 
more  than  he  has  learned  in  all  his  life ; 
but  the  knowledge  will  not  abide  with 
thee  so  long,  perchance.  Ho  there,  Al 
Choppah,  put  up  thy  scimitar !  There 
is  rarer  sport  here.  To-morrow  there 
shall  be  a  treat  for  the  caravan  and  the 
two-headed  Snake  of  Rhi. 

"  This  two-headed  serpent,"  ex 
plained  Kayenna,  carelessly,  to  Shaca- 
bac,  "is  a  rare  monster  which  delighteth 


Her  Majesty  the  King        ji 

in  flinging  himself  bodily  on  his  prey, 
striking  it  with  the  middle  of  his 
length,  then  tightening  himself,  fold  on 
fold,  around  the  victim,  until,  life  being 
all  but  crushed  out,  he  feasts  with  his 
double  heads  on  the  dying  body.  I 
care  little  for  such  spectacles  myself, 
for  I  think  they  savor  of  the  gro 
tesque  ;  but  it  will  amuse  our  car 
avan,  and  make  a  weary  hour  pass 
pleasantly." 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

What  is  a  cryptogram  ?  asked  the  Pupil. 

It  is  a  cipher,  replied  the  Sage. 

What  is  a  cipher  ?  persisted  the  Pupil. 

It  is  naught,  answered  the  Sage. 

Is  there  a  cryptogram  in  this  book  ?  asked  the 
Pupil. 

If  there  be,  a  Sage  alone  will  find  it.  It  should 
explain  aught  that  may  seem  irrelevant.  —  The  Wis 
dom  of  Shacabac. 

NOW  it  happened  that,  some  days 
before,  a  guard  came  unto  the 
tent  of  Shacabac,  leading  a  tat 
tered  remnant  of  humanity,  who   had 
been  found  crawling  toward  the  spring 
in  dire  distress.     After  allowing  him  to 
slake  his  thirst,  and    being   unable    to 
obtain  from  him  any    coherent   expla 
nation    of  his    forlorn    condition,    the 
guard    brought    him    before    Shacabac. 


Her  Majesty  the  King        73 

The  Sage,  after  bidding  his  body-ser 
vants  to  relieve  the  stranger  of  his 
valuables,  asked  him  how  he  came  to 
be  in  such  woful  plight.  The  outcast 
replied  in  the  Lingua  Franca  dialect : 
"  Truly,  because  I  could  not  resist  the 
inducement  of  a  free  ride  from 
Nhulpar  to  Ubikwi ;  but  the 
people  of  my  caravan  deserted 
me  in  the  wilderness  two  days 
since,  and  I  have  been  in  sore 
straits  to  reach  this  oasis." 

"  And  what  was  thy  business 
in  Ubikwi  ?  "  asked  the  Sage. 

"  None    whatever,"    replied 
the  stranger  ;  "  but  it  was  a  free 
ride, —  have  I  not  told  thee  so  ? 
—  and  of  course 
I  went  along." 
Struck  by  this 


74         Her  Majesty  the  King 

remarkable  explanation,  the  Sage  asked, 
"  Of  what  country  art  thou  ?  "  and  the 
enfeebled  one,  lifting  his  head  proudly, 
replied,  "  I  am  an  American."  "  Nay," 
responded  Shacabac,  "  thou  art  more 
likely  to  prove  erelong  that  thou  dost 
belong  to  a  yet  more  numerous  race,  — 
that  of  the  deadheads." 

Nevertheless,  he  was  so  moved  by 
the  piteous  condition  of  the  stranger 
that  he  allowed  him  to  join  the  caravan 
and  lead  a  pack-camel  every  day  during 
the  rest  of  the  march.  And  the  Sage 
wrote  upon  his  tablets  this  precious 
aphorism :  "  The  free  lunch  is  for  the 
thirsty,  not  for  the  hungry." 

A  happy  thought  now  occurred  to 
Shacabac,  and  he  said  :  — 

"  The  two-headed  Snake  is  a  beauti 
ful  instrument  of  justice  ;  but,  if  your 
Highness  will  pardon  her  slave  for  offer 
ing  a  suggestion,  I  think  that  the  penalty 
is  a  trifle  too  short-lived.  The  crime  de 
serves  a  more  prolonged  punishment." 


Her  Majesty  the  King         75 

"  That  is  true,"  rejoined  Kayenna ; 
"  but,  unfortunately,  we  omitted  to 
bring  the  Court  Torturer  with  us  on 
this  journey,  and  we  can  ill  afford  to 
waste  precious  time  in  mere  diversion. 
Nevertheless,  if  you  think  of  any  de 
vice  which  may  serve  to  enliven  the 
noon  hour  of  rest,  do  not  hesitate  to 
speak.  I  feel  in  a  kindly  mood  toward 
all  the  world  at  present,  and  would  not 
rob  so  true  a  friend  as  yourself  of  any 
innocent  pleasure." 

Thus  encouraged,  Shacabac  proposed 
that  the  stranger  whom  the  caravan  had 
picked  up  by  the  oasis  of  Rhi  should 
be  sent  for,  and  interrogated  concerning 
the  criminal  jurisprudence  of  his  out 
landish  country  beyond  the  Western 
Ocean. 

Kayenna  was  pleased  to  look  gra 
ciously  upon  the  suggestion,  and  im 
mediately  despatched  a  slave  in  search 
of  the  stranger,  who  promptly  appeared 
at  the  entrance  of  the  pavilion  of  state. 


j6       Her  Majesty  the  King 

Great  was  the  surprise  of  Shacabac 
on  beholding  the  transformation  which 
had  occurred  in  the  appearance  of  the 
man,  but  a  few  days  agone  the  most 
forlorn  outcast  in  all  the  land.  From 
the  rich  folds  of  his  jewelled  turban  to 
the  red  tips  of  his  Levantine  slippers, 
the  whilom  vagrant  was  attired  in 
splendid  raiment,  and  bore  himself  with 
that  dignity  which  in  Occidental  lands 
marks  the  owner  of  sumptuous  apparel. 
Shacabac,  whose  keen  eyes  took  note 
of  all  things,  quickly  recognized  the 
habiliments  before  him. 

"  Amrou's  turban,"  he  said  to  him 
self,  making  a  mental  inventory, 
"  Cassim's  slippers,  and  Selim's  caftan  ! 
That  is  the  scimitar  of  Sokum,  resting 
in  the  sash  of  Tippoo,  the  Congo  por 
ter,  beside,  as  I  live,  the  yataghan 
which  I  myself  did  foolishly  wager  but 
yester  eve  on  the  fall  of  an  idle  card  ! 
An  this  keep  on,  the  rascal  will  own  the 
whole  caravan  ere  we  reach  Nhulpar." 


Her  Majesty  the  King        77 

For,  by  some  necromancy  known  to 
his  barbarian  countrymen,  the  stranger 
had  learned  to  control  the  fortuitous 
movements  of  inanimate  pieces  of 
pasteboard,  so  that  they  fell  ever  as  he 
listed,  but  always  contrary  to  the  wishes 
of  the  true  believer,  who  vainly  chal 
lenged  fate  on  what  seemed  a  certain 
result.  Allah  alone  knoweth  how  such 
prodigies  are  permitted  to  come  to  pass. 

Stifling  his  anger  at  this  last  outrage, 
because  of  Kayenna's  presence,  he  bade 
the  stranger  kneel  at  the  feet  of  her 
Highness,  and  affably  addressed  him 
as  follows :  — 

"  Dog  of  an  unbeliever  and  scum  of 
the  saliva  of  jackals,  her  most  gracious 
Highness  deigns  to  ask  of  thee  in  what 
way  do  thy  obscene  countrymen  punish 
a  knave  guilty  of  high  treason  against 
the  mockery  which  they  miscall  a  gov 
ernment." 

Whereunto  the  outcast  replied, 
"Which?" 


78       Her  Majesty  the  King 

"  It  is  not  a  question  of  Which  or  of 
What,"  said  Shacabac,  severely,  "  but 
of  How.  In  what  way  do  the  mis 
guided  infidels  of  your  country  treat 
their  desperate  criminals  ?  for  I  suppose 
that  not  all  of  them  are  permitted  to 
escape  justice,  and  flee  to  more  blessed 
lands,  wherein  they  are  enabled  to  de 
spoil  the  followers  of  the  Prophet." 

"In  grave  cases,"  said  the  stranger, 
after  a  moment's  reflection,  "  when  the 
accused  has  neither  friends  nor  money 
nor  influence,  he  is  subjected 
to  preliminary  torture  at  the 
hands  of  what  we  call  the  In 
terviewers.  Often  he  is  pres 
ent  in  person  during  the  ordeal  ; 


Her  Majesty  the  King       79 

but  that  is  largely  optional  with  him, 
and  wholly  so  with  them.  In  practice 
it  has  been  found  that  the  most  satis 
factory  interviews  are  conducted  in  the 
absence  of  the  subject.  It  is  a  matter 
of  taste  and  convenience.  The  real 
ordeal  begins  when  the  prisoner  is  sub 
jected  to  the  Process  of  Lor." 

"And  what  is  that?"  asked  Kay- 
enna  and  Shacabac,  as  with  one  breath. 

"  It  is  a  complicated  process,"  was 
the  answer,  "  but  highly  instructive. 
In  the  first  place,  the  judge,  or  Cadi,  as 
you  would  call  him,  orders  twelve  men, 
who  know  nothing  about  the  case, — 
otherwise  they  would  not  be  selected,  — 
to  be  arrested  and  imprisoned  until  the 
guilt  or  innocence  of  the  accused  can 
be  established.  Absolute  ignorance  of 
the  question  is  the  prime  essential  gov 
erning  the  selection  of  the  twelve ;  but 
total  ignorance  of  everything  consti 
tutes  the  ideal  qualification  of  what  we 
call  a  ( juror.'  The  less  the  jurors 


80        Her  Majesty  the  King 

know  or  are  capable  of  knowing,  the 
greater  the  probability  that  they  will 
speedily  agree  upon  a  verdict.  It  is 
a  very  wise  and  ancient  provision  of 
Lor,"  added  the  stranger,  reverently ; 
"  for,  if  it  were  something  foolish  and 
new-fangled,  it  would  seem  impossible 
that  any  twelve  men  of  intelligence 
could  agree  unanimously  upon  a  ques 
tion  so  intricate  as  those  which  are 
usually  brought  before  our  juries. 
Happily,  however,  the  jurors  are  not 
supposed  to  be  intelligent ;  and,  conse 
quently,  they  nearly  always  agree  upon 
a  matter  concerning  which  any  two  of 
them  would  scarcely  be  found  in  accord 
outside  of  the  sacred  jury-room." 

"  But,  when  they  have  agreed,"  in 
terposed  Kayenna,  who  had  a  mind 
for  things  concrete,  "what  happens  to 
the  criminal  ?  " 

"  Oh,  the  criminal !  "  responded  the 
stranger  :  "  he  is  put  under  restraint  at 
the  beginning  of  the  proceedings,  as  are 


Her  Majesty  the  King          81 

the  witnesses  also,  if  there  be  any ;  but 
that  depends  upon  whether  or  not  they 
be  able  to  furnish  securities  for  their 
appearance  in  court." 

"  It  is  a  strange  system,  this  admin 
istration  of  Lor,  as  you  call  it,"  said 
Kayenna,  not  without  some  suspicion 
that  the  stranger  was  indulging  in  ro 
mance  ;  "  but  tell  me  in  a  word,  does 
it  never  punish  anybody  ?  " 

"Does  it?"  ejaculated  the  stranger. 
"  Well,  I  should  say  it  does.  It  pun 
ishes  everybody, —  the  jurors,  the  judge, 
the  witnesses,  the  people  who  have  to 
hear  or  read  the  proceedings  of  the 
court,  the  citizens  who  have  to  pay 
for  all  the  business.  Why,  even  the 
prisoner  himself  is  sometimes  pun 
ished,  and  always  more  or  less  annoyed 
by  the  procrastination  and  uncertainty 
of  the  whole  affair.  There  are  times  in 
the  life  of  such  a  man  when  he  almost 
feels  that  Lor  itself  is  a  failure.  Of 
course,  he  has  his  consolation,  such  as 


82        Her  Majesty  the  King 

it  is,  in  the  flowers  and  sweetmeats  and 
love-poems  sent  to  him  by  non-resi 
dent  members  of  Female  Asylums  for 
the  Feeble-minded,  once  he  is  found 
guilty  of  a  dazzling  crime ;  but  what 
are  flowers  or  candy  or  poetry  to  a 
man  who  feels  that  he  is  losing  time 
which  might  be  homicidally  valuable  to 
himself  and  society,  under  different 
circumstances  ?  " 

The  stranger  spoke  with  some  heat, 
as  one  who  might  have  himself  expe 
rienced  the  sad  uncertainty  of  Lor ; 
but  Kayenna,  with  her  logical  mind, 
brought  him  quickly  back  to  the  main 
point. 

"  You  say,"  said  she,  "  that  the  crim 
inal  is  sometimes  punished.  Describe 
the  process  of  capital  execution." 

"  It  varies,"  responded  the  stranger, 
"in  the  different  sections  of  my  coun 
try.  In  some  places  the  condemned  is 
strangled :  in  others  he  is  imprisoned 
1  for  life,'  but  usually  pardoned  after  a 


Her  Majesty  the  King        83 

few  years.  In  the  State  where  I  last 
dwelt  they  have  introduced  the  fashion 
of  electrocution ;  that  is  to  say,  of  kill 
ing  the  victim  by  electricity." 

"  And  how  is  that  done  ?  "  queried 
Kayenna,  always  interested  in  anything 
savoring  of  novelty. 

"  I  fear  I  cannot  explain  it  clearly 
without  the  aid  of  a  Brush  generator 
or  a  dynamo  of  some  kind,  and  I  do 
not  see  anything  of  the  sort  hereabout. 
But  your  Highness  no  doubt  has  often 
seen  the  effects  of  a  thunder-storm 
whereby  somebody  was  slain,  in  the 
twinkling  of  an  eye  as  it  were.  It  is 
thus  that  we  destroy  such  of  our  crim 
inals  as  outlive  the  Process  of  Lor." 

"  What  doth  the  knave  mean  ?  " 
asked  Kayenna,  with  a  frown,  aside  to 
Shacabac. 

"  It  passeth  my  comprehension,"  was 
the  reply,  "  but  I  fear  me  the  dog 
laugheth  at  our  faces ;  for  how  can  any 
man  call  down  lightning  from  heaven 


84         Her  Majesty  the  King 

to  destroy  his  enemies  ?  "  Then,  ad 
dressing  the  stranger,  he  asked  sternly : 
"  Hath  this  divinity  of  thine  —  this  not 
very  infallible  Lor  —  command  of  the 
forces  of  nature,  so  that  it  can  at  will 
draw  down  the  thunderbolt  wherewith 
to  smite  its  victims  ?  Thy  tale  is  won 
drous  strange.  Her  Highness  would 
fain  see  a  proof  of  it.  Take  out  the 
culprit,  guilty  of  high  treason  but  yes 
terday,  and  let  him  be  f  electrocuted,' 
as  thou  callest  it,  before  our  eyes.  Say 
I  not  right  ?  "  he  added,  turning  toward 
Kayenna. 

"  Thou  sayest  but  what  is  right  and 
just,"  was  the  prompt  response  ;  "  and 
I  confess  that  I  am  interested  in  see 
ing  the  operation  of  this  invention  so 
strangely  chanced  upon  by  ignorant 
unbelievers.  Go  on,  stranger.  The 
victim  is  ready.  Let  us  see  thee  elec 
trocute  him  forthwith." 

But,  as  obedience  to  that  command 
was  wholly  beyond  the  stranger  and 


Her  Majesty  the  King         85    , 

as  he  could  not  give  a  satisfactory  or 
intelligible  explanation  of  his  inability 
to  obey,  Kayenna  became  exceedingly 
wroth ;    and,    being  moreover  a   good 
deal  tired  of  his  long  and  tedious  dis 
quisition  on  Lor,  she  settled  the  matter 
summarily  by  saying :  "  This  stranger    ;>( 
is  an  impostor  who  hath  doubtless  fled   vvi; 
from  the  rude  justice  of  his  own  coun-  ;-:X 
try.     Let  him  be  cast,  along  with  the   &£> 
traitor,  into  the  cave  of  the  two-headed 
Snake ;  and  thus  let  there  be  an  end  to 
all  knaves  and  liars  !  " 

This  sentence  being  com 
municated  to  the  American, 
he  fell  at  the  feet  of  Kayenna, 
and  begged  as  a  dying  request 
that  his  picture  might  be  taken 
before  execution.  On  being 
asked  why  he  desired  that 


il 


86         Her  Majesty  the  King 

such  a  crime  against  the  law  of  Moses 
as  well  as  of  Mohammed  should  be 
perpetrated,  he  only  answered,  in  a 
somewhat  incoherent  fashion,  "  so  that 
it  might  appear  in  the  papers." 

"  But  knowest  thou  not,"  said  Kay- 
enna,  sternly,  "  that  it  is  forbidden  by 
thy  law,  as  by  ours,  to  make  a  graven 
image  or  likeness  of  any  living  thing?  " 

"  O  Lord ! "  wailed  the  unhappy 
man,  "  surely  a  newspaper  picture  does 
not  come  under  that  head  !  But  take 
me  away,"  he  added  despairingly. 
"  People  who  never  heard  of  electrocu 
tion  cannot  be  expected  to  appreciate 
electrotypes." 

So  he  was  borne  to  his  dungeon ; 
and  in  a  short  time  four  stalwart  slaves 
thrust  him,  along  with  the  condemned 
traitor,  into  the  mouth  of  the  cave  of 
the  horrible  two-headed  Snake,  there 
to  suffer  the  most  cruel  death  ever  con 
ceived  of  by  mortal  mind. 

But  mortal  mind  erred,  at  least  for 


Her  Majesty  the  King         87 

once.  On  visiting  the  cave  next  morn 
ing,  the  executioners  found  not  a  trace 
of  the  two  culprits,  wherefore  they  sup 
posed  that  the  snake  had  despatched 
them  promptly. 

But  the  snake  also  was  missing,  and 
the  closest  search  disclosed  no  explana 
tion  of  his  absence. 

The  mystery  was  partially  solved 
when  the  caravan  reached  the  capital  of 
Nhulpar  a  few  days  later,  and  was  con 
fronted  at  the  very  gates  of  the  city 
with  flaming  placards  announcing  that 

THE  GREAT  AND   ONLY  WILKINS 

ACKNOWLEDGED   EMPEROR    OF    THE   OPHIDIAN   WORLD 

WILL    EXHIBIT 

FOR   ONE    NIGHT   ONLY 
THE   WONDROUS    TWO-HEADED    SNAKE 

SECURED  AT  AN  ENORMOUS  EXPENSE   FROM  THE  MXNAGEKIC 

OF   HER    ROYAL    HIGHNESS 
KAYENNA   THE   GREAT 

AMD  EXHIBITED  BEFORE  THE  CROWNED   HEADS  OP  ALL  ASIA, 
EUROPE,   AND   AFRICA 

PRIOR  TO  HIS  IMMEDIATE  RETURN  TO  AMERICA 


CHAPTER  IX. 

There  are  times  when  it  is  inexpedient,  if  not 
actually  immoral,  to  kill  the  bediamonded  clerk  of  a 
caravansary.  —  Manco  Capac. 

KAYENNA  was  at  first  deeply 
incensed  on  reading  those  ad 
vertisements,  and  would  fain 
have  invoked  the  assistance  of  the  King 
of  Nhulpar  to  punish  the  culprit;  but 
Shacabac  sagely  counselled  her,  saying : 
"  Let  it  be.  If  the  people  of  Nhulpar 
believe  in  this  two-headed  Snake,  all 
the  more  will  they  reverence  thee  who 
art  supposed  to  own  others  of  the 
kind ;  and  meanwhile  the  terror  of  thy 
name  shall  be  spread  throughout  the 
earth.  But  [he  added  to  himself]  I 
would  that  I  had  the  knave  who  de 
frauded  me  of  my  trusty  yataghan,  or 


Her  Majesty  the  King          89 

knew  the  secret  whereby  he  made  his 
cards  fall  as  he  willed.  Great  is  Phi 
losophy,  and  marvellous  is  Science ; 
but  miraculous  is  this  thing  which  the 
Giaours  call  *  Luck.'  Methinks  it 
hath  more  to  do  with  Science  than  with 
Philosophy.  Would  that  the  knave 
had  stayed  with  me  long  enough  to 
explain  the  strange  mutations  of  that 
mysterious  game  which  he  calleth 
Po-kah  !  " 

But  ere  this  had  come  to  pass,  and 
while  the  caravan  was  crossing  a  sandy, 
waterless  stretch  of  desert,  Kayenna 
summoned  the  Sage  to  her  side,  and, 
smiling  in  a  knowing  way,  asked, 
"  Hast  thou,  in  thy  long  experience, 
ever  heard  of  a  more  difficult  problem 
than  that  which  confronts  us,  or  a  de 
vice  whereby  such  a  grave  difficulty 
might  be  overcome  ?  " 

Shacabac  had  by  this  time  conceived 
a  profound  respect  for  the  genius  of 
Kayenna;  yet  he  could  not  imagine 


90        Her  Majesty  the  King 

any  stratagem  by  which  she  might  ex 
tricate  herself  and  him  and  the  fortunes 
of  Ubikwi  and  Kopaul  from  the  im 
pending  dilemma.  "  Nay,"  he  an 
swered  modestly,  "  I  have  heard  of 
many,  but  of  none  so  intricate  as  this. 
And  I  own  that  my  heart  weighs 
heavier  with  every  step  of  our  journey. 
Will  not  your  Highness  deign  to  tell 
her  meanest  slave  how  she  purposes 
to  carry  us  in  safety  to  Nhulpar  and 
home  again,  with  our  heads  on  our 
shoulders  ?  " 

"  O  Shacabac,"  laughed  Kayenna, 
"  thou  art  only  a  man,  after  all,  and  a 
bachelor  at  that.  Hast  never  heard 
of  even  a  man's  outwitting  another, 
not  to  speak  of  the  endless  resources 
of  his  superior,  Woman  ?  " 

A  little  piqued  at  this  sally,  Shacabac 
replied :  "  Truly,  I  have  known  of 
some  such ;  but  they  were  all  as  child's 
play  compared  with  this  coil.  There 
was  the  case  of  the  Ameer  of  Khali- 


Her  Majesty  the  King        91 

Mazu,  who,  being  secretly  envious  of 
the  great  Sultan  Djambhori,  sought  to 
compass  his  ruin  by  a  gift  of  twoscore 
large  and  healthy  elephants,  the  bare 
feeding  of  which  for  one  twelvemonth 
would  have  emptied  the  royal  ex 
chequer.  To  have  sold  or  given  away 
the  animals  would  have  been  a  grave 
discourtesy." 

"  That  was  rather  a  pretty  dilemma," 
admitted  Kayenna.  "  How  did  Djam 
bhori  escape  it  ? " 

"  He  escaped  it,"  replied  Shacabac, 
"  by  having  the  animals  quietly  de 
spatched,  and  their  tusks  made  into 
keys  for  twoscore  grand  pianos,  the 
which  he  sent  as  presents  to  the  wives 
of  the  Ameer,  thus  nobly  revenging 
the  wrong  that  had  been  done  him. 
The  Ameer,  struck  with  remorse  on 
perceiving  the  magnanimity  of  his  foe, 
committed  suicide  shortly  after  the  arri 
val  of  the  pianos,  and  while  the  harem 
yet  resounded  with  the  practice  lessons 


92         Her  Majesty  the  King 

of  his  devoted  wives.  The  incident," 
added  Shacabac, "  attracted  much  atten 
tion  at  the  time,  and  led  to  the  strict 
laws  since  passed  against  the  importa 
tion  of  elephants  and  pianos  into  Khali- 
Mazu." 

"Verily,  the  device  was  ingenious," 
commented  Kayenna ;  "  but  it  hardly 
matches  what  is  required  of  us  in  a  few 
days  hence.  Hast  thou  ever  heard  of 
a  youth  so  situated  that  he  could  not 
fill  any  office  in  the  land,  yet  rising  to 
the  highest,  and  that,  too,  without  awak 
ening  the  hostility  of  a  single  human 
being,  notwithstanding  the  fierce  jeal- . 
ousy  which  assails  even  those  of  lofty 
rank  when  they  aim  for  rank  yet 
higher?" 

"  Never,"  answered  Shacabac,  "un 
less  [bethinking  himself  of  one  remark 
able  exception]  —  unless  it  be  that  of 
Dar-Khos,  a  slave  who  once  attained 
by  a  single  stroke  to  boundless  wealth, 
high  rank,  and  length  of  days,  merely 


Her  Majesty  the  King        93 

by  refusing  to  obey  the  commands 
of  his  master,  the  great  Sultan  Al- 
Kali." 

"  That  sounds  interesting,"  said  Kay- 
enna ;  "  and  how  did  it  happen  ?  " 

"In  this  wise,"  responded  Shacabac. 
"  The  Sultan  and  his  slave,  travelling 
without  escort,  came  to  a  deep  and  wide 
river ;  and  the  Sultan  ordered  Dar-Khos 
to  go  forward  and  ford  the  stream. 
*  Nay,'  answered  the  slave,  with  great 
humility,  { the  dog  followeth  his  mas 
ter.'  Being  pleased  with  which  reply, 
the  Sultan  plunged  into  the  stream,  and 
presently  sank  in  a  quicksand,  so  that 
naught  of  him  was  visible  save  only  his 
turban,  in  which  he  had  hidden,  for 
greater  security,  the  crown  jewels  and 
other  valuables.  These,  with  great  dif 
ficulty,  did  Dar-Khos  rescue,  and  by 
judiciously  investing  them  was  enabled 
to  secure  the  nomination  and  election 
to  the  vacant  sultanship.  And  the 
moral  thereof  is,  A  drowned  man 


94         Her  Majesty  the  King 

dreadeth  the  water,  but  a  wise  one 
shunneth  it  from  the  beginning." 

"  Thy  tale  is  amusing,"  commented 
Kayenna,  "  and  the  moral  is  as  irrele 
vant  as  a  moral  should  be  ;  but  both  are 
far  and  wide  from  the  purport  of  my 
question :  How  is  a  poor,  weak  woman 
to  soothe  the  chagrin  and  placate  the 
anger  of  two  mighty  monarchs,  when 
they  find  that  nature  hath  been  greater 
than  herself  and  they  together  ?  " 

But  Shacabac  had  naught  to  answer ; 
for,  indeed,  the  same  problem  had  been 
puzzling  his  head  for  many  days,  and 
making  that  head  seem  to  fit  very 
loosely  on  his  shoulders.  It  was  a  sad 
business  all  round;  and  he  cursed  the 
hour  in  which  he  had  been  tempted 
from  his  scholarly  seclusion  to  aid  in 
the  wild  schemes  of  a  desperate  woman  ; 
saying  to  himself,  "  A  bird  on  toast  is 
worth  two  on  a  bonnet,"  which  indeed 
is  a  truth  that  any  child  might  compre 
hend. 


CHAPTER  X. 

Surely,  thou  dost  not  expect  strangers  to  pay  for 
thy  books.  And,  surely,  thou  wouldst  not  ask  thy 
friends  to  buy  them.  Seek  some  other  way  of  achiev 
ing  wealth  through  letters.  And  let  me  know  if 
thou  findest  it The  Pauper  Poet. 

RIGHT  royal  was  the  welcome 
given  to  the  caravan  and  its 
illustrious  passengers  on  reach 
ing  the  suburbs  of  the  capital  of  Nhul- 
par.  Imposing  ranks  of  soldiery,  horse 
and  foot,  lined  both  sides  of  the  broad 
road  for  at  least  five  miles  without  the 
gates.  On  entering  the  city,  they  found 
the  streets  carpeted  with  roses,  hung 
on  both  sides  with  gorgeous  banners, 
and  canopied  with  evergreen  arches 
spangled  with  flowers  of  every  hue. 

Before  coming  into  the  presence  of 
the  king,  they  were  treated  to  a  rare 
feast  of  intellect.  First,  a  chorus  of 


96         Her  Majesty  the  King 

ten  thousand  school-children,  attired  in 
white,  sang  a  hymn  of  welcome,  con 
sisting  of  three  hundred  and  forty 
stanzas,  each  replete  with  a  tender 
thought  or  dainty  conceit.  Then  fol 
lowed  an  address  from  the  chief  men 
of  the  city,  setting  forth  at  much  length 
the  ancient  friendship  existing  between 
the  two  nations, —  a  friendship  which 
was  now  about  to  be  cemented  more 
firmly  than  ever.  With  great  felicity 
and  originality  of  thought  the  speaker 
pointed  out  that  the  people  of  Ubikwi 
and  the  people  of  Nhulpar  were  of 
the  same  origin,  speaking  the  same 
language,  that  of  Omar  and  Abdullah. 
"We  must  be  friends,"  he  said,  "for 
the  sake  of  our  common  blood,  our 
common  language,  and  the  common 
Koran  which  teaches  us  all.  A  quarrel 
between  two  such  peoples  would  be  a 
crime  against  humanity/* 

If  the  speaker  overlooked    the    fact 
that  such  crimes  had  been  committed 


Her  Majesty  the  King        97 

once  or  twice  already,  with  the  enthu 
siastic  consent  of  both  parties,  that  was 
neither  here  nor  there.  The  sentence 
was  well  turned,  and  that  is  enough 
to  expect  of  a  state  oration. 

Kayenna  and  her  suite,  most 
of  them  being  mutes,  listened 
with  rare  courtesy  and  patience 
to  the  addresses  which  followed ; 
but  Shacabac,  who  had  not  yet 
broken  his  fast,  —  and  it  was 
now  high  noon, — was  visibly 
and  audibly  wearied  by  the  cere 
monies,  and  devoted  one  hun 
dred  and  sixty-three  pages  of 
his  inimitable  diary  to  a  scath 
ing  denunciation  of  the  vice  of 
prolixity. 

There  were  addresses  from 

The  Incorporated  Associa 
tion  of  Muezzins ; 

The  Imaum  Brotherhood  ; 


9  8         Her  Majesty  the  King 

The  Dancing  Dervishes,  who  spoke 
as  well  as  danced ; 

The  Santon  Society  ; 

The  Ancient  Order  of  Arabian 
Knights,  one  thousand  and  one  strong, 
each  in  turn  relating  a  sprightly  anec 
dote; 

The  Brethren  of  Backsheesh,  numer 
ous  and  influential ; 

The    Camel    Drivers'    Association ; 

The  Fraternity  of  Water   Carriers ; 

Thirty-two  ex-presidents  of  the  So 
ciety  for  the  Prevention  of  Cruelty  to 
Animals,  seated  in  a  beautiful  chariot 
drawn  by  a  cream-white  pony  ; 

Citizens  generally. 

Following  these  came  interesting 
songs  and  recitations  by  local  talent, 
all  encored.  Nor  was  the  impatience 
of  Shacabac  relieved  when  a  portly  per 
sonage  in  spectacles  was  introduced  by 
the  presiding  officer  as  "  the  far-famed 
and  immortal  Ben  H around,  the  Pauper 
Poet." 


Her  Majesty  the  King        99 

<f  Truly,  a  tautological  title,"  mur 
mured  the  Sage,  as  the  bard,  stepping 
forward,  proceeded  to  unroll  many 
lengths  of  an  ode  written  for  the  occa 
sion,  or  for  any  occasion,  and  respect 
fully  dedicated  to  the  illustrious  Prince 
of  Ubikwi.  The  verses,  unfortunately, 
have  not  been  preserved,  notwithstand 
ing  that  the  Poet  presented  to  Kay- 
enna  a  copy  beautifully  woven  in  silk, 
and  distributed  among  the  throng  sev 
eral  thousand  other  copies  printed  on 
a  cheaper  material.  Ben  Haround's 
works  had  a  large  circulation  during 
his  lifetime ;  but  his  zeal  in  disseminat 
ing  those  gems  of  poesy  kept  him  con 
stantly  poor,  whence  came  his  title  of 
the  Pauper  Poet,  to  distinguish  him 
from  the  opulent  bards  of  other  lands. 

This  being  the  first  visit  of  the  Ubik- 
wians  to  Nhulpar,  several  youths  in 
brazen  armor,  bearing  tablets  and  writ 
ing  instruments,  pressed  forward  at  this 
point,  and,  respectfully  accosting  the 


I  oo      Her  Majesty  the  King 

strangers,  begged  to  be  informed  re 
garding  their  "  impressions  of  the 
country." 

Happily,  at  this  juncture,  the  King 
himself  rode  up,  and  averted  an  inter 
national  quarrel  by  ordering  the  in 
discreet  youths  to  be  immersed  in  a 
caldron  of  brine  for  the  next  twenty- 
four  hours.  Then,  courteously  welcom 
ing  his  guests,  he  gave  order  that  the 
feast  should  be  spread. 

The  King  of  Nhulpar  sat  at  the 
head  of  the  banquet  table.  On  his 
left  sat  Kayenna ;  beside  her  the  lovely 
daughter  of  the  King,  and  at  her  side 
the  child  whom  all  believed  to  be  the 
son  of  Muley  Mustapha.  Shacabac 
was  awarded  a  place  on  the  opposite 
side  of  the  table,  next  to  the  favorite 
spouse  of  Nhulpar,  the  mother  of  the 
intended  bride.  Women  are  not  com 
monly  admitted  to  share  in  the  feasts 
of  state ;  but  exception  had  to  be  made 
in  the  case  of  Kayenna,  and  the  others 


Her  Majesty  the  King      101 

were  allowed  to  keep  her  countenance, 
—  a  provision  entirely  unnecessary  with 
her. 

Shacabac  vainly  endeav 
ored  to  catch  her  eye  and 
signal  a  warning,  when  he 
perceived,  to  his  dismay, 
that  the  Princess  of  Nhul- 
par  was  engaged  in  ani-  if 
mated  discourse  with  the 
potential  cause  of  all  future 
trouble,  the  Prince  of 
Ubikwi,  who,  in  truth, 
bore  his  assumed  honors 
with  becoming  gallantry. 
Never,  indeed,  had  a  genu 
ine  prince  carried  himself 
with  more  debonair  grace. 

The  illusion  was  perfect, 
so  that  even  hardened 
old  courtiers  exchanged 


IO2      Her  Majesty  the  King 

furtive  winks  and  nudges,  as  who  should 
say,  "  Our  coming  King  hath  a  merry 
way  with  the  women,  and  will  not  lose 
his  bride  for  lack  of  brave  wooing ! " 

Meanwhile  Kayenna  and  the  King 
kept  up  a  gay  conversation.  The  royal 
mother  beamed  approval  on  the  young 
people,  and  indulged  in  the  original  re 
mark  to  the  Sage  that  "  Heaven  made 
and  hath  matched  them,"  whereat  Sha- 
cabac,  stifling  a  groan,  smiled  a  courtier's 
smile  and  murmured  assent. 

After  the  feast  there  were  speeches, 
dignified,  gracious,  affectionate,  and  not 
too  brief;  but  Shacabac  had  broken  his 
fast,  and  feared  naught  that  fate  might 
bring  until  —  until  it  brought  the  worst, 
—  discovery,  discomfiture  and  ruin. 

"  The  nuptials  will  be  celebrated  at 
sunset,"  said  Kayenna  to  him  as  the 
wedding  dinner  ended,  and  the  ladies 
retired  to  their  apartments  to  prepare 
for  the  great  festivities. 

"But,   Great  Allah,"    he    exclaimed 


Her  Majesty  the  King      103 

in  horror,  "  do  you  know  what  then  ? 
Unless  something  happens,  we  are 
lost,  —  thou,  I,  the  gentle  Princess, 
thy  daughter"  — 

"  Have  no  fear,  good  Shacabac,"  she 
replied  smilingly  :  "  something  will  hap 
pen  ere  thou  knowest  it."  Again  she 
smiled,  the  smile  of  confidence  or  of 
fatuity,  he  could  not  tell  which,  and 
moved  away  in  the  bridal  train. 

And  something  did  happen,  —  some 
thing  not  down  on  the  programme  of 
King  or  Queen,  Sage  or  Soothsayer. 
As  the  last  of  the  retinue  disappeared 
behind  the  hangings,  a  trumpet-blast 
was  heard  without  the  court,  and  a  mes 
senger,  who  had  evidently  ridden  in  hot 
haste,  was  admitted  to  the  royal  pres 
ence. 

"Your  Majesty,"  he  said,  bending 
low,  "  I  bring  evil  news.  There  is 
trouble  in  Ubikwi.  The  great  Pasha 
Muley  Mustapha  is  besieged  in  his 
palace  by  a  rebel  rabble,  led  by  a  scurvy 


1 04      Her  Majesty  the  King 

Soothsayer,  and,  unless  help  be  sent  to 
him  forthwith,  woe  to  him  and  his 
household,  and  to  all  the  friends  of 
Ubikwi ! " 

The  King  of  Nhulpar,  as  we  have 
said,  was  a  warrior  who  loved  the  music 
of  battle.  The  sound  of  clashing  arms 
was  sweet  to  his  ears,  and  the  savor  of 
blood  was  as  fragrance  to  his  nostrils. 
The  call  to  action  came  at  an  oppor 
tune  moment;  for  the  preparations  of 
the  past  weeks  had  been  a  burden  to 
his  soul,  which  liked  not  the  effeminate 
adjuncts  of  matrimony. 

"  Ha,  sayst  thou  so  ?  "  he  exclaimed. 
"  Then,  by  the  beard  of  the  Prophet, 
thy  words  are  welcome.  I  would  fain 
see  how  this  stripling,  my  son-in-law 
and  heir  to  be,  can  bear  himself  in  the 
lists  of  war.  He  seemeth  over-confi 
dent  in  those  of  love,  for  one  of  such 
stern  stuff  as  the  King  of  Nhulpar 
should  be.  Here,  slave,  go  to  the 
apartments  of  the  Prince  of  Ubikwi, 


"  '/"  bring  evil  news'1 


Her  Majesty  the  King       105 

and  say  to  him  that  the  King  beseeches 
his  company  on  a  pleasant  joust.  Bid 
the  wedding  guests  await  our  return, 
which  may  be  anon  or  later." 

"Allah  help  our  Kayenna  now  and 
her  bantling ! "  exclaimed  Shacabac  to 
himself,  as  the  warlike  preparations 
went  on.  "  I  can  but  join  the  caval 
cade,  though  little  stomach  have  I  for 
blows  and  blood.  Nathless,  I  think 
that  my  head  will  be  safer  at  Ubikwi 
than  before  the  jaws  of  this  battle- 
loving  king.  Verily,  the  sandal-maker 
should  stick  to  his  sandal-wood,  and 
the  man  of  wisdom  to  his  preaching, 
leaving  to  fools  the  dangerous  work  of 
practising  the  same." 


CHAPTER  XI. 

Some  men  borrow  books ;  some  men  steal  books  5 
and  others  beg  presentation  copies  from  the  author. 

Ben  Haround. 

THE  courier  told  only  the  truth. 
Dark  and  dangerous  times  had 
befallen  poor  old  Muley  Mus- 
tapha  in  his  lonely  palace  of  Ubikwi. 
For  days  he  had  wandered  disconsolate 
through  the  zenana,  missing  the  pres 
ence  of  Kayenna,  which  had  ever  been 
as  the  cooling  east  wind  to  his  fevered 
brow;  missing  Shacabac,  whose  words 
of  wisdom  had  so  often  wooed  him  to 
repose ;  missing  Al  Choppah  and  his 
diverting  bowstring  and  scimitar  that 
had  enlivened  many  a  long  hour. 

He  did  not  miss  little  Muley ;  for,  of 
a  truth,  he  had  seldom  laid  eyes  upon 


Her  Majesty  the  King      107 

the  offspring  whom  he  unjustly  blamed 
as  the  cause  of  all  his  woes.  And  now, 
when  he  strayed  into  the  child's  sleep 
ing-room,  he  noted  with  a  shocked 
sense  of  the  incongruous  how  it  was 
decorated  with  the  toys  and  the  arms 
of  virility,  —  ghastly  relics  of  the  futile 
attempt  to  deceive  his  people  and  the 
people  of  two  greater  nations  ! 

"  If  she  had  never  been  born!  If 
she  had  had  the  good  taste  to  die  any 
time  during  the  past  miserable  eighteen 
years !  If  that  villanous  old  Sooth 
sayer  "  — 

Here  he  was  startled  by  a  voice 
at  his  elbow,  —  "  Your  Highness  was 
pleased  to  allude  to  me  ?  " 

It  was  the  new  Soothsayer,  Badeg, 
looking,  if  possible,  more  impudently 
familiar  than  ever. 

Muley  Mustapha  plucked  up  a  spirit. 
"  No,  I  was  not  alluding  to  you ;  though 
I  was  thinking  of  a  villanous  Soothsayer 
—  an  old  one  —  who  went  to  his  reward 


io8      Her  Majesty  the  King 

long  ago.     But  what  in  the  name  of 

Eblis  is  it  to  you  ? " 

"  Nothing,  —  oh,  nothing,"   was   the 

bland  reply.  Then,  after  a  pause : 
"  Perchance  your  Highness  was 
thinking  of  the  great  Astrologer 
Kibosh,  who  rose  from  the  sorry 
condition  of  a  beggarly  carter  to 
the  highest  favor  in  his  master's 
eyes  because  of  a  secret  which 
he  once  discovered.  He  went 
to  his  reward  many  years  ago, 
as  your  Highness  hath  said ; 
but  his  secret  died  not  with  him, 
and  it  is  said  to  be  even  more 


Her  Majesty  the  King       109 

wondrous  than  that  possessed  by  the 
Wise  Man  who  could  change  base 
metal  into  shining  gold,  inasmuch  as 
the  possessor  of  it  hath  no  need  to  buy 
even  the  base  metal,  for "  —  here  the 
speaker  paused  and  looked  significantly 
at  the  Pasha  —  "  he  findeth  it  right  be 
fore  him  and  ready  to  his  hand." 

Muley  Mustapha,  trying  to  dis 
semble  and  not  succeeding  very  well, 
answered  with  assumed  carelessness : 
"  Truly,  that  must  have  been  a  remark 
able  man.  I  do  not  remember  having 
heard  of  him  before.  What  didst  thou 
say  he  was  when  he  led  an  honest  life  ?  " 

"He  was  a  poor  carter,"  replied  the 
Soothsayer,  "  and,  though  he  worked 
hard  every  day,  and  was  very  thrifty  in 
his  habits,  yet  he  found  himself  grow 
ing  poorer  day  by  day  and  year  by 
year.  For  he  had  a  large  family,  con 
sisting  of  seven  sons  and  six  daughters, 
whose  respective  ages  were  13,  12,  n, 
10,  9,  8,7,  6,  5,  4,  3,  2,  and  i.  It  was 


no      Her  Majesty  the  King 

no  easy  task  to  feed  those  thirteen  jaws, 
or  I  should  say  pairs  of  jaws,  without 
counting  those  of  himself  and  his  patient 
wife. 

"  Howbeit,  it  happened  that  Kibosh, 
on  a  certain  Friday  morning,  awoke  re 
joicing  that  it  was  the  day  of  rest,  yet 
murmuring  that,  such  being  the  fact,  he 
knew  there  would  be  for  him  no  work 
that  day  whereby  to  earn  food  for  the 
morrow.  He  sat  up  in  his  couch, 
yawned,  sighed,  arose,  and  put  on  his 
garments.  Then,  after  saying  his  morn 
ing  prayers  and  making  his  scanty 
toilet,  he  sat  down  to  a  humble  meal 
of  black  bread  and  dates.  The  bread 
was  old  and  hard,  and  the  dates  were 
dry.  Kibosh  groaned  as  he  chewed  the 
uninviting  food  between  his  two-and- 
thirty  teeth." 

"  Had  he  two-and-thirty  teeth  ?  "  in 
terrupted  the  Pasha. 

"  Truly,  he  had  no  more,"  replied  the 
narrator.  "It  is  the  exact  number 


Her  Majesty  the  King       1 1 1 

possessed  by  all  men  of  ripe  years, 
unless,  indeed,  they  have  lost  one  or 
more." 

"  Then,"  said  the  Pasha,  "  what  was 
there  remarkable  in  his  having  that 
number? " 

"  Nothing,"  was  the  answer,  in  a 
tone  of  scarcely  veiled  impertinence. 
"  Only  /  am  telling  the  story  ;  and  I 
am  trying  to  tell  it  in  the  only  proper 
style,  which  is  the  Realistic.  Is  it  your 
Highness's  wish  that  I  proceed  ?  " 

"  By  all  means,"  said  Muley  Mus- 
tapha  ;  "  but,  before  going  any  further, 
how  many  hands  had  this  Kibosh  ?  " 

"  I  was  about  to  come  to  that,"  re 
turned  the  Soothsayer,  tranquilly.  "  He 
had  two  hands,  on  each  of  which  were 
one  thumb  and  four  fingers.  He  had 
likewise  two  feet,  with  five  toes  on  each. 
This  being  a  true  story,  I  will  not  at 
tempt  to  conceal  the  fact  that  he  was 
furthermore  blessed  with  two  eyes,  the 
like  number  of  ears,  one  nose  and 

8 


112      Her  Majesty  the  King 

mouth,  and  as  many  hairs  on  his  head 
and  chin  as  might  be ;  for  these  I  did 
not  try  to  enumerate. 

"  Having  finished  his  frugal  meal  and 
smoked  his  chibouk,  Kibosh  went  to 
the  mosque,  like  a  good  Mussulman. 
His  wife,  the  faithful  Zaidee,  remained 
at  home.  She  had  many  things  to  do, 
attending  to  the  wants  of  her  numerous 
offspring,  preparing  the  mid-day  meal, 
and  arranging  the  thousand  little  details 
of  her  house  for  the  day.  Moreover, 
she  knew  that  her  attire  was  hardly  meet 
for  the  eyes  of  strangers.  Her  next- 
door  neighbor,  Ayesha,  the  wife  of 
Hassan,  the  porter,  had  but  the  day  be 
fore  called  on  her,  attired  in  a  new  yash 
mak,  which  was  a  sore  trial  to  the  pa 
tience  of  Zaidee,  it  having  cost  not  less 
than  fifty  piastres  at  the  bazaar  kept  by 
Solyman,  the  one-eyed  Hebrew,  oppo 
site  the  fountain  adjacent  to  the  house 
of  Amrou,  the  camel-driver." 

Here    the    Pasha,  stifling    a    yawn, 


Her  Majesty  the  King       113 

asked  wearily,  "  How  many  eyes  didst 
thou  say  the  Hebrew  dog  had  ? " 

"  One,  your  Highness.  The  other, 
I  believe,  was  lost  in  consequence  of —  " 

"  It  matters  not  how  it  was  lost," 
said  the  Pasha,  hastily.  "Allah  be 
thanked,  it  was  lost !  and  thy  story 
hath  some  novelty.  Go  on." 

"  For  these  reasons  Zaidee  remained 
at  home  while  Kibosh  went  to  the 
mosque.  As  it  happened,  he  met  on 
the  way  none  other  than  his  neighbor, 
the  porter  Hassan  ;  and  the  two  fell 
to  talking  of  many  things,  such  as  the 
weather,  the  hardness  of  the  times,  and 
the  great  cost  of  bread  and  dates,  and 
other  such  subjects. 

"  Even  as  they  were  speaking,  they 
were  accosted  by  a  poor  cripple,  who 
beseeched  alms  of  them  in  the  name 
of  Allah.  'Alas!'  replied  Kibosh. 
*  I  am  but  a  poor  man,  with  a  large 
family,  and  can  give  thee  naught  save 
my  prayers.'  But  Hassan  smiled  a. 


H4      Her  Majesty  the  King 

little  haughtily,  and,  pulling  out  his 
wallet,  displayed  it  full  of  shining  gold 
and  silver  pieces.  As  he  saw  the  eyes 
of  Kibosh  fixed  upon  it  in  wonder,  he 
hastily  closed  the  wallet,  and  said,  *  I, 
too,  am  but  a  poor  man,'  and  gave  the 
beggar  naught.  But,  when  they  had 
passed  on,  Kibosh  spoke  to  Hassan, 
saying,  *  O  Hassan  !  but  now  thou  didst 
complain  of  thy  poverty  ;  and,  lo  !  thou 
hast  a  purse  full  of  gold  and  silver.' 

"'It  is  not  mine,'  said  Hassan,  in 
confusion  :  '  it  is  my  wife's.' 

" l  But  thy  wife  is  as  poor  as  thy 
self/  retorted  Kibosh,  severely ;  for  he 
knew  that  Ayesha  was  only  the  daugh 
ter  of  old  Cassim,  the  tent-maker,  who 
was  as  poor  as  any  man  in  the  quarter, 
and  indeed  lived  partly  on  the  bounty 
of  his  son-in-law. 

"  *  Nay,  then,'  said  Hassan.  *  I  will 
confess  that  I  found  this  purse  on  the 
Square  last  week,  and  know  not  who 
its  owner  may  be.' 


Her  Majesty  the  King      115 

" '  The  Square,'  said  Kibosh,  *  has 
been  closed  for  the  past  ten  days  by 
order  of  the  Caliph,  as  thou  dost  for 
get;  and  neither  could  any  man  enter 
it  to  lose  or  to  find  a  purse.  Hassan, 
thou  art  a  prevaricator;  and  I  must 
denounce  thee  to  the  Cadi  as  a  thief 
unless  — ' 

" '  Unless  what,  good  neighbor  Ki 
bosh  ? '  cried  Hassan,  in  terror.  '  Surely, 
thou  wouldst  not  denounce  and  ruin 
thine  old  friend  ! ' 

"  *  Nay,'  said  Kibosh  ;  '  but  I  would 
first  know  how  thou  earnest  into  pos 
session  of  so  vast  a  sum  of  money,  and 
next  I  would  ask  thee  for  a  loan  of,  say, 
one-half  thereof.' 

"  Hassan  thereupon,  being  in  terror 
of  his  life,  confided  to  Kibosh  that  he 
had  become  acquainted  with  a  State 
Secret  to  divulge  which  would  be  dis 
astrous,  while  so  long  as  it  remained 
unspoken  it  was  a  source  of  liberal 
revenue  to  him. 


1 1 6      Her  Majesty  the  King 

"  As  soon  as  Kibosh  heard  this,  he 
said,  *  O  Hassan,  it  is  now  some  seven 
teen  years,  or  maybe  eighteen,  that  I 
have  known  thee  and  thy  good  wife, 
Ayesha,  and  thy  father-in-law,  Cassim, 
not  to  mention  thy  son  Karib  and  thy 
daughter  — ' " 

"Perish  Kibosh  and  Hassan  and  all 
their  tribe ! "  shrieked  the  Pasha,  leap 
ing  to  his  feet.  "  Gehenna  be  their 
portion  and  thine,  thou  babbling  im 
postor  /  What  hath  all  this  to  do  with 
me?" 

"What  hath  it  to  do  with  thee?" 
answered  the  astrologer.  "  Much, 
very  much,  with  thee  and  thine,  and 
with  the  people  of  Ubikwi,  and  the 
people  of  Kopaul,  and  the  people  of 
Nhulpar,  when  they  learn  that  the 
secret  known  to  the  dead  Hassan  (for 
he  died  very  suddenly  that  same  day) 
and  confided  to  Kibosh  ( also  an  un 
happy  victim  of  Azrael's  visitation)  is 
now  my  secret.  Dost  wish  to  hear  it  ? 


Her  Majesty  the  King      117 

Or  would  your  Highness  prefer  that 
I  tell  it  in  the  market-place,  that  the 
child  thou  palmest  off  on  the  world  as 
thy  'son'  is  really  —  " 

Muley  Mustapha  was  a  meek  man. 
His  critics  said  behind  his  back  that 
he  was  a  hen-pecked  man.  The  whole 
world  knew  that  he  was  an  old  and 
feeble  man.  But  the  blood  of  All  ran 
in  his  shrivelled  veins  ;  and  it  went  boil 
ing  at  the  insolence  of  this  red-headed 
beggar  of  a  star-gazer,  who  dared  beard 
him  in  his  own  harem.  His  hand 
leaped  for  his  sword,  and  found  only  an 
empty  scabbard ;  for  the  peaceable  old 
Pasha  had  long  ceased  to  carry  the 
deadly  scimitar,  which  he  had  once 
been  wont  ,to  wield  in  the  forefront  of 
battle.  His  eyes  fell  upon  the  only 
weapon  in  sight,  a  razor  (he  afterward 
wondered  what  use  there  could  have 
been  for  it  in  the  harem) ;  and,  seizing 
it,  he  shouted  in  a  voice  of  thunder, 
t€  Out  of  this,  fortune-telling  dog,  liar, 


1 1 8      Her  Majesty  the  King 

and  humbug,  ere  I  cut  the  false  tongue 
out  of  thy  insolent  throat! " 

The  Soothsayer  fled  from  the  palace 
in  terror ;  but,  on  gaining  the  street, 
he  found  his  voice  again,  and  began 
shrieking  aloud  that  the  Pasha  had  be 
come  mad  and  was  threatening  the 
lives  of  all  his  friends. 

"  Know  ye,  O  people  of  Ubikwi," 
he  shouted,  "  that  the  old  man's  sins 
have  found  him  out;  and  Heaven  hath 
punished  him  by  striking  him  with 
madness,  because  he  hath  sinned 
against  the  truth  by  passing  off  as  his 
son  a  female  child  born  unto  him  eigh 
teen  years  ago ! " 

A  large  crowd  was  speedily  attracted 
by  the  cries  of  the  Soothsayer;  and 
they  began  saying  one  to  another: 
"  Truly,  this  holy  man  cannot  be  mis 
taken.  The  child  Muley  hath  more  of 
the  woman  than  of  the  man  about  him, 
and  no  eyes  have  ever  seen  him  en 
gaged  in  any  manly  sport."  And  the 


"  '  Out  of  this,  fortune-telling  dog! 


Her  Majesty  the  King       119 

elders,  prompted  by  insinuations  pre 
viously  sent  out  by  the  Soothsayer  and 
his  henchmen,  began  to  remember  that 
the  former  Soothsayer  had  disappeared 
mysteriously,  together  with  the  Physi 
cian,  on  the  very  day  of  little  Muley's 
birth. 

Wherefore  there  arose  a  great  clamor 
from  the  multitude  assembled  before  the 
palace ;  and  the  old  Pasha  would  have 
fared  badly  that  day,  had  it  not  been  for 
the  prompt  action  of  a  veteran  Mame 
luke  and  a  dozen  or  two  followers,  who, 
riding  out  of  the  postern  gate  as  if  on 
patrol  duty,  set  their  horses,  first  at  a 
gentle  canter  and  then  at  a  sharp  gallop, 
right  into  the  midst  of  the  throng, 
speedily  dispersing  the  unorganized 
crowd. 

"  Hark  ye,"  said  the  mustached  Cap 
tain,  as  his  Arabian  charger  reared  on 
his  haunches  so  that  his  fore  feet  almost 
touched  the  shoulders  of  the  Sooth 
sayer,  who  fell  back  some  paces  in 


1 20      Her  Majesty  the  King 

haste.  "  I  know  nothing  of  your  stars 
or  your  prophecies;  but  this  is  the 
exercise  ground  of  my  troop,  and  you 
have  spoiled  our  manoeuvres  to-day 
by  being  in  the  way.  Next  time  we 
shall  not  abate  our  speed  because  of 
any  dirty  carcass  in  our  path.  Halt ! 
Form  fours  !  Trot !  Gallop  !  "  And 
down  the  esplanade  at  full  speed  and 
back  again  went  the  handful  of  horse 
men,  whose  simple  creed  was  obedience 
to  orders. 

Tradition  hath  it  that  the  grim  Cap 
tain  of  the  troop  was  a  renegade  Chris 
tian,  whose  sole  redeeming  qualities  were 
that  he  was  loyal  to  the  flag  which  he 
followed  for  the  time,  and  that  he 
dearly  loved  a  fight. 

The  mob  was,  like  all  mobs,  discon 
certed  at  first  by  the  organized  force  of 
a  disciplined  soldiery ;  and,  after  a  few 
vain  attempts  to  carry  the  palace  by 
storm,  it  settled  down  to  besiege  and 
starve  out  the  garrison,  —  a  decision 


Her  Majesty  the  King       121 

which  vastly  pleased  the  Pasha  and  his 
Mameluke  Captain,  who  shrewdly  sur 
mised  that  relief  would  not  fail  to  come 
from  some  quarter  if  only  delay  could 
be  gained.  The  palace  was  well  sup 
plied  with  provisions,  for  the  Pasha 
loved  good  cheer  and  plenty  of  it. 
Could  they  but  hold  their  own  for  a 
few  weeks,  the  garrison  might  laugh  at 
the  efforts  of  the  enemy. 


CHAPTER  XII. 

In  time  of  war  begin  to  prepare  for  it. —  The  Corn- 
pleat  Art  of  Logistics,  by  Tang  Kee. 

WHEN  the  mighty  Sultan  of 
Kopaul  heard  of  the  straits 
into  which  his  son-in-law 
was  driven,  he  lost  no  time  in  begin 
ning  to  get  ready  to  prepare  to  fly, 
metaphorically  speaking,  to  his  assist 
ance.  Age  had  somewhat  chilled  the 
ardor  of  his  blood ;  and  in  this  sudden 
crisis  he  sorely  missed  the  counsels  of 
his  lamented  spouse,  Paprikah,  from 
whom  the  wise  Kayenna  had  inherited 
her  rare  firmness  of  character.  In  the 
course  of  many  years  of  conjugal  con 
troversy  he  had  learned  to  respect  her 
vigorous  intellect  and  fluency  of  ex 
pression  ;  but,  after  her  melancholy 


Her  Majesty  the  King       123 

loss,  he  seemed  to  lack  in  some  degree 
the  promptitude  of  action  in  emergency 
which  had  been  so  conspicuous  a  feat 
ure  of  his  government  during  her  life 
time.  For  this  lack  he  made  up  by  a 
fecundity  and  loudness  of  speech  which 
impressed  all  who  had  not  the  hap 
piness  of  his  intimate  acquaintance. 
With  him,  as  he  was  wont  to  say,  it 
was  "  a  word  and  a  blow."  His  critics 
sneered  that  the  terms  were  synony 
mous,  but  they  did  not  understand 
the  latent  resources  of  the  old  warrior. 
'When  the  time  for  action  came,  he 
displayed  his  ability  in  a  way  that  sur 
prised  them  and  all  the  world.  In 
order  not  to  be  embarrassed  by  the 
presence  of  professional  soldiers,  who 
are  ever  an  annoyance  to  an  adminis 
tration,  he  permitted  a  thousand  of  his 
veterans  to  proceed  at  once  with  Ben 
Zoin  to  the  scene  of  action,  and  then 
set  himself  to  the  more  serious  work  of 
planning  a  great  and  glorious  campaign, 


1 24      Her  Majesty  the  King 

summoning  for  the  purpose  his  Minis 
ter  of  War,  in  whom  he  had  the  high 
est  confidence. 

Between  them  they  formulated  a 
martial  policy  which  had  the  unique 
distinction  of  being  alike  agreeable  to 
themselves,  to  the  army  contractors, 
and  even  to  the  enemy.  Some  old- 
fogy  soldiers,  it  is  true,  objected  to  it 
on  the  last  ground ;  but  as  most  of 
them  died  under  its  operation,  their 
voices  were  not  long  heard. 

A  board  of  strategy,  composed  of 
eminent  individuals  who,  having  no  ex 
perience,  could  have  no  prejudices  in 
military  affairs,  resolved  upon  a  line 
of  action  unprecedented  in  warfare. 
Three  corps  were  mobilized  and  de 
spatched,  after  due  deliberation,  to  the 
scene  of  hostilities.  The  first  con 
sisted  of  raw  levies,  hastily  organized, 
but  ably  officered  by  friends  and  rela 
tives  of  the  government,  men  who 
had  distinguished  themselves  either  by 


Her  Majesty  the  King       125 

political  services  or  by  meritorious  con 
sanguinity.  The  latter  were,  so  to 
speak,  "  born  "  soldiers. 

This  first  corps  was  sent  to  the  front 
by  a  special  caravan.  Their  arms  and 
ammunition  were  forwarded,  some  time 
later,  by  a  separate  route.  A  third  car 
avan,  following  yet  another  line  of 
march,  transported  the  food,  tents,  for 
age,  and  medical  supplies. 

By  this  ingenious  arrangement  the 
board  of  strategy  had  reason  to  trust 
that  all  three  caravans  might  reach  their 
destination  in  safety  and  good  condi 
tion  for  effective  work.  "  Divide  and 
conquer  "  was  the  motto.  If  the  sol 
diers  should  be  captured,  it  was  rea 
soned,  their  capture  would  be  of  no 
value  to  the  enemy  without  the  arms, 
provisions,  and  so  forth,  as  would  also 
the  capture  of  the  latter  without  the 
former. 

Certain  conservative  persons,  having 
a  stake  in  the  country,  suggested  that 


126      Her  Majesty  the  King 

it  would  be  more  prudent  to  keep  the 
ammunition  and  commissariat  trains  at 
home  until  after  the  arrival  of  the 
troops  at  the  front,  so  that  nothing 
more  valuable  than  lives  might  be  lost 
in  case  of  any  disaster ;  but  there  are 
captious  people  who  will  criticise  the 
wisest  works  of  man,  even  historical 
works  of  the  most  transcendent  merit, 
which  a  modest  author  may  not  name. 
The  board  of  strategy,  having  a  more 
than  official  interest  in  army  contracts, 
disregarded  such  criticisms,  saying, 
properly  enough,  that  it  were  better  to 
lose  material  which  could  be  replaced,  at 
government  expense,  than  to  hazard 
the  prospects  of  future  contracts. 
Wherein  they  showed  a  commendable 
forethought  and  put  to  shame  their 
censors,  who  did  not  hold  any  contracts, 
present  or  prospective. 

The  Sultan  had  great  confidence 
also  in  the  reserves,  composed  of  va 
rious  military  and  civil  organizations 


Her  Majesty  the  King      1 27 

distinguished  for  the  splendor  of  their 
uniforms  and  the  vociferousness  of  their 
patriotism  in  time  of  peace.  As  it  hap 
pened,  their  reserve  was  so  pronounced 
and  shrinking  in  its  character  that  it 
kept  them  from  thrusting  themselves 
to  the  front  in  time  of  war.  Patriotic 
Orders,  which  had  vowed  to  die  for  their 
country  many  a  time,  did  not  forget 
their  vows  when  the  dread  ordeal  came, 
but,  on  the  contrary,  with  a  fortitude 
unequalled  in  history,  chose  the  most 
lingering  death  that  a  patriot  might 
suffer,  and  voted  unanimously  to  die 
of  old  age  for  the  land  which  they 
loved  so  well  and  so  wisely.  For,  as 
they  truly  said :  The  ignorant  soldier 
goes  and  dies  for  his  country,  and 
thereby  ends  his  usefulness  to  the  coun 
try  ;  but  we  who  stay  at  home  live  to 
devote  ourselves  to  the  country's  ser 
vice  in  any  capacity,  however  lucrative. 
Bismillah  !  they  were  wise  in  their  gen 


eration. 

9 


128       Her  Majesty  the  King 

So  it  was  that  the  mighty  Sultan  of 
Kopaul  went  to  war  vicariously,  as  all 
good  sovereigns  do,  and,  when  it  was 
over,  asked  for  no  greater  reward  than 
a  sea-port  and  coaling-station  in  the 
Sahara,  where  there  was  no  sea  and 
where  a  coaling-station  was  as  super 
fluous  as  it  would  be  in  Gehenna.  En 
sued  to  his  country  much  glory  and 
a  pension  list,  which  was  the  wonder 
and  the  envy  of  the  world ;  for,  al 
though  the  glory  was  evanescent,  the 
pension  list  endured  for  generations,  and 
the  seaport  and  coaling-station  served 
to  "  extend  the  sphere  of  Kopaulian 
influence,"  and  thus  distribute  the  bur 
den  of  taxes,  even  as  a  prudent  mer 
chant  on  the  brink  of  bankruptcy 
enlarges  the  number  and  amount  of 
his  obligations,  on  the  principle  that  in 
numbers  there  is  safety. 


CHAPTER   XIII. 

Every  nation  has  just  the  government  for  which 
its  people  are  fitted  :  at  least,  that  is  what  is  said  by 
the  rulers  who  are  piously  engaged  in  misgoverning 
it.  —  Manco  Capac. 

THE  Captain  of  Mamelukes  re 
pented  later  that  he  had  not 
given  his  charger  the  treat  of 
trampling  the  internal  economy  out 
of  the  Soothsayer,  when,  on  looking 
out  of  an  embrasure  of  the  palace, 
he  descried  a  vast  mob  approaching, 
headed  by  the  same  Soothsayer,  and 
brandishing  every  sort  of  nondescript 
weapon,  while  they  shouted  in  angry 
tones :  "  Death  to  the  False  Pasha  ! 
Death  to  the  Imposter  who  has  de 
ceived  the  People  with  a  False  Heir  ! 
Death  to  the  foreign  Mameluke  who 
insults  our  Astrologer  !  " 


130      Her  Majesty  the  King 

"  That  means  me,"  said  the  Mame 
luke,  grimly.  "And  it  seems  to  mean 
business.  I  wish  I  had  Ben  Zoin  and 
a  dozen  of  his  rough  riders  behind  this 
gate  to-day.  By  Allah !  we  'd  teach 
those  carrion  to  sing  another  song. 
What  is  your  Highness's  wish  ? "  sa 
luting,  as  he  spoke,  the  aged  form  of 
Muley  Mustapha.  "  Shall  we  comply 
with  the  petition  of  your  royal  subjects, 
and  offer  them  our  heads  as  a  guaran 
tee  of  good  faith  ?  or  let  them  come 
and  take  them,  if  they  can  ? " 

Muley  Mustapha,  for  answer,  only 
extended  his  hand,  which  the  grizzled 
warrior  took  and  kissed. 

"  I  take  it  your  Highness  does 
not  mean  to  part  with  his  head  for 
nothing  ? " 

A  new  fire  shone  in  the  eyes  of 
Muley  Mustapha.  "What  my  brave 
guard  does,  that  and  no  less  will  I  do," 
he  answered.  "  Let  the  dogs  come  on, 
if  they  dare!  " 


Her  Majesty  the  King       131 

And  the  dogs  came.  Did  ever  a 
pack  of  hounds  fear  to  face  the 
wounded  stag  at  bay  ?  But  dearly  did 
they  pay  for  their  temerity. 

For  a  full  hour  the  unequal  combat 
raged  in  front  of  the  feeble  gates  of  the 
palace.  Foremost  at  every  breach  the 
bare  white  locks  of  Muley  Mustapha 
were  seen,  as  he  wielded  his  trusty  scim 
itar  and  hewed  down,  one  after  anothe^ 
every  foeman  who  dared  face  his  flam 
ing  countenance.  First  in  every  sortie 
loomed  the  gigantic  figure  of  the  Cap 
tain  of  Mamelukes,  who  seemed  to 
bear  a  charmed  life,  and  to  escape 
death  by  the  very  eagerness  with  which 
he  courted  it,  as  sometimes  happens  to 
champions  in  the  milder  domain  of 
courtship  and  love. 

Nevertheless,  the  fortune  of  war  had 
gone  ill  with  the  dauntless  few  against 
the  mighty  force  of  numbers,  had  not 
assailants  and  assailed  been  startled,  at 
the  very  crisis  of  the  conflict,  by  the 


1 3  2     Her  Majesty  the  King 

loud  notes  of  a  bugle  and  the  sound  of 
tramping  hoofs  in  the  distant  streets, 
whence  presently  there  emerged,  in  the 
splendid  panoply  of  war,  a  thousand 
of  the  body-guard  of  the  Sultan  of 
Kopaul,  led  on  by  Ben  Zoin,  the  gal 
lant  champion  of  Ubikwi. 

A  ringing  cheer  went  up  from  the 
worn  defenders  of  the  palace  at  sight 
of  the  relief.  A  wild  cry  escaped  from 
the  besiegers  at  the  same ;  but  the 
false  Soothsayer,  raising  aloft  a  green 
banner,  the  Prophet's  sacred  ensign, 
exhorted  his  followers  to  fight  in  the 
name  of  Islam.  The  fanatical  appeal 
gave  new  heart  to  the  rebels,  so  that 
not  even  the  stout  lances  of  Ben  Zoin 
could  have  overcome  the  hostile  array, 
had  there  not  appeared  at  the  further 
gate  of  the  city  a  new  cohort  of  cavalry, 
led  by  a  plumed  knight,  whose  face  no 
man  recognized,  as  he  and  his  fol 
lowers,  with  levelled  spears,  thundered 
on  the  rear  of  the  rebel  horde. 


Her  Majesty  the  King 

The  rout  of  the  besieg-  \ 
ers  was  complete.  The 
greater  part  threw  down 
their  arms  and  cried  for 
quarter  or  sought  safety 
in  the  alleys  and  lanes  ad 
jacent.  The  unknown  did 
not  draw  rein  until  he  was 
face  to  face  with  the  Sooth 
sayer,  against  whose  neck 
he  levelled  the  point  of  his 
lance. 

"  By  what  right,  thou 
scoundrel,"  he  thundered, 
"  dost  thou  levy  war  on 
the  just  and  mighty  Pasha 
of  Ubikwi?  Answer, 
knave,  ere  my  steel  find  an 
answer  in  thy  throat !  " 

Thus  forced  into  a 
corner,  the  insolent  Sooth 
sayer,  trusting  to  his  sacred 


134      Her  Majesty  the  King 

office,  made  answer :  "  By  the  right  of 
my  divine  duty.  I  am  a  Soothsayer, 
and  know  that  the  Pasha  of  Ubikwi 
hath  deceived  his  subjects  and  offended 
against  high  Heaven  by  palming  off  as 
his  son  the  female  child  born  to  his 
house  eighteen  years  agone." 

"  And,  by  the  divine  right  of  my 
birth,"  responded  the  knight,  "  /  know 
thee  to  be  a  liar  and  a  knave.  Look 
at  me.  I  AM  PRINCE  MULEY, 
born  unto  the  house  of  my  father  eigh 
teen  years  ago,  and  neither  a  female 
child  nor  a  male  impostor,  like  thee. 
Die,  dog,  with  the  lie  in  thy  throat  !  " 

With  that  he  set  spurs  to  his  horse, 
and  the  point  of  his  lance  came  out 
through  the  back  of  the  Soothsayer's 
neck.  Whereat  all  the  people  cried 
out,  as  with  one  voice,  "  Long  live 
Prince  Muley,  the  son  of  his  noble 
father,  Muley  Mustapha  !  " 

But  Muley  Mustapha  merely  gasped 
in  wonder,  as  not  comprehending  the 


Her  Majesty  the  King       135 

simple  way  in  which  the  truth  had  been 
witnessed  and  error  confuted,  —  as,  in 
deed,  a  wiser  man  might  have  wondered, 
had  he  not  been  told  the  explanation 
given  in  the  next  and  concluding 
chapter. 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

This  Book    is  a  Mirror  wherein  the  Wise    Man 
seeth  Wisdom  but  the  Fool  seeth  Folly.  —  Shacabac, 

"  T   DON'T  think  that  I   quite  un 
derstand,"   began    Muley     Mus- 
tapha,   when    he   found    himself 
alone  with  his  gifted  spouse   for  a  few 
moments  before  dinner,  and  while  the 
other   dignitaries    were    pleasantly    en 
gaged  in   restoring  tranquillity   to   the 
realm  by  superintending  the  decapita 
tion  of  the  disaffected. 

"  You  mean  that  you  don't  quite 
understand  that  you  think,"  interposed 
the  good  lady,  sweetly.  "  Well,  I  will 
explain.  The  child  whom  you  wick 
edly  designed  to  bring  up  in  a  life  of 
shame  and  turbulence  was  not,  as  you 
thought,  a  girl,  but  a  boy  ! 


Her  Majesty  the  King       137 

"  I  determined,  as  I  think  I  told  you 
at  the  time,  to  save  the  innocent  being 
from  the  contamination  of  a  wicked 
world  and  the  evil  example  of  an  un 
worthy  sire.  The  Physician  whom 
you  ruthlessly  put  to  death  consented 
to  the  pious  deception,  for  which  I 
have  ever  revered  his  memory.  He 
was  a  worthy  man,  and  understood  my 
nervous  system  better  than  any  leech 
that  I  have  ever  known.  Another 
kind  of  husband  would  have  appre 
ciated  his  merits,  but  let  that  pass. 
As  for  the  old  Soothsayer,  he  deserved 
his  doom  for  lacking  faith  in  his  own 
predictions.  I  regret  not  his  death. 
No  government  can  be  conducted  safely 
unless  its  members  be  able  to  convince 
themselves  and  others  that  with  them 
all  wisdom  dieth.  Frequent  changes 
of  administration,  save  in  favor  of  our 
own  party,  are  disastrous  to  the  welfare 
of  any  country. 

"  Henceforth    place    your    trust   in 


138       Her  Majesty  the  King 

me ;  and  I  will  see  to  it  that  all  official 
prophecies  come  out  correctly,  though 
it  cost  a  new  soothsayer  every  week. 

"  I  leave  you  now,"  she  added,  "  to 
prepare  my  daughter-in-law  for  her 
bridal,  and  to  instruct  her  in  the  proper 
way  of  managing  a  husband.  I  fear 
me  much  that  the  present  Queen  of 
Nhulpar  is  sadly  lacking  in  decision  of 
character.  His  Majesty  the  King,  I 
am  told,  keepeth  State  secrets  from  her 
ears,  —  a  great  error  on  the  part  of  a 
dutiful  spouse." 

It  was  even  as  the  good  Kayenna 
had  said.  Young  Muley  Mustapha 
was  a  genuine  Prince,  with  all  his 
father's  old-time  courage,  re-enforced  by 
a  strain  of  firmness  inherited  from  his 
noble  mother.  The  rebel  horde,  who 
had  taken  up  the  false  Soothsayer's 
taunt  that  the  youth  was  effeminate,  no 
longer  repeated  the  insult,  partly  be 
cause  the  lad  had  proved  his  manhood 
on  the  field,  but  chiefly  because,  after 


Her  Majesty  the  King       139 

Al  Choppah  had  finished  his  work,  not 
one  of  them  was  left  to  talk  indis 
creetly,  nor,  indeed,  to  talk  at  all. 

Despite,  or  perhaps  because  of,  the 
harem  seclusion  in  which  he  had  been 
reared,  the  youth  was  more  than  com 
monly  free  from  bashfulness  in  the 
presence  of  women ;  and  his  own 
harem  (for  he  did  not  copy  his  sire's 
monogamous  example)  was  ruled  by 
him  in  right  royal  fashion.  "In  num 
bers  is  safety,"  was  his  sagacious 
maxim.  Yet,  because  of  the  mystery 
surrounding  his  youth,  he  was  ever 
known  throughout  three  kingdoms  as 
"  Her  Majesty  the  King." 

When  the  aged  Pasha  went  to  his 
account,  a  few  years  later,  everybody 
in  official  position  said,  as  with  one 
voice,  that,  with  the  exception  of  his 
illustrious  successor,  he  was  the  wisest 
and  best  ruler  that  had  ever  reigned  in 
Ubikwi.  The  same  had  been  said  of 
his  sire  and  his  grandsire  and  his  great- 


140       Her  Majesty  the  King 

grandsire,  so  that  it  was  evident  that 
virtue  and  wisdom  were  hereditary  in 
that  noble  family,  as  they  are  in  all 
reigning  dynasties  everywhere. 

Kayenna  lived  to  see  her  son  mount 
successively  the  thrones  of  Ubikwi, 
Kopaul,  and  Nhulpar,  and  to  super 
vise  the  education  of  a  large  and  in 
teresting  family  of  children  and  grand 
children,  dying  at  the  last  of  a  tetanus 
superinduced  by  the  arduous  labor  of 
umpiring  a  debate  on  "  Woman  Suf 
frage." 

Shacabac  lived  to  a  ripe  old  age. 
Of  his  latter  years  his  biographer  says, 
"Allah  had  granted  to  him  length  of 
days  and  the  divine  faculty  of  repose, 
so  that,  while  saying  much,  he  thought 
but  little,  and  worked  hardly  at  all." 

When  his  mental  faculties  had  be 
come  sufficiently  impaired,  the  gal 
lant  King  of  Nhulpar  appointed  him 
Regius  Professor  of  Political  Econ 
omy  in  the  National  University, — a 


Her  Majesty  the  King      141 

position  which  he  filled  with  great 
credit  for  many  years.  By  his  thought 
ful  lectures  „  and  essays,  "  Patriotism 
Another  Name  for  Selfishness,"  "A 
Nation's  Debt  a  Nation's  Wealth," 
"  Our  Country  always  Wrong,"  —and 
especially  by  his  erudite  monograph  on 
"  Finance,"  so  profound  that  not  even 
the  ablest  minds  could  comprehend 
it,  —  his  fame  spread  throughout  all 
lands,  and  made  him  the  envy  of 
philosophers  all  over  the  earth.  His 
stately  monument  bears  the  simple 
motto  which  governed  him  through 
life,— 

"LOVE  THYSELF  :  SO  SHALL  THY 
AFFECTION   BE  RETURNED." 


LAGNIAPPE.1 

WHEN  the  great  and  good 
Shacabac  had  completed,  as 
he  thought,  his  incompar 
able  book  of  Wisdom,  he  said  to  him 
self,  "  Here  at  last,  is  a  perfect  work 
of  mortal  man,"  and  went,  none  too 
humbly,  to  the  venerable  philosopher 
Woppajah,  from  whom  he  had  imbibed 
his  first  draughts  of  knowledge.  But 
the  Master,  after  skimming  a  few  lines 
and  paying  the  tribute  of  a  yawn, 
turned  over  the  leaves  until  he  came 
to  the  last  chapter,  when  he  pointed 
his  finger  to  the  number  thereof,  and, 
lo,  it  was  the  fatal  number  —  thirteen  ! 
Abashed  at  the  silent  rebuke,  the 

1  A  Creole  word  signifying  the  same  as  the  Chi 
nese  "  kit 


Her  Majesty  the  King      143 

Sage  would  have  withdrawn  in  confu 
sion,  but  the  good  man  bade  him  stay. 
"  Let  this,"  he  said,  "  be  a  lesson  unto 
thee ;  and,  that  thou  mayst  ever  be 
ready  to  extract  the  cork  of  hope  from 
the  demijohn  of  disappointment,  and 
avert  the  debasing  influence  of  super 
stition  by  always  heading  off"  an  inaus 
picious  omen,  write  now  a  fourteenth 
chapter  and  bestow  it  upon  a  grateful 
world,  which  ever  rejoiceth  to  get 
something  for  which  it  hath  paid 
naught." 

Rakkam,  the  tooth-puller,  built  up 
an  enormous  trade  and  grew  in  riches, 
by  drawing  two  teeth  for  one  price, 
and  even  though  one  of  them  were 
sound,  the  patient  would  boast  that  he 
was  so  much  ahead,  which  meant  out 
of  his  head. 

It  is  a  simple  world  and  easily 
pleased.  Ali-Kazam,  the  wise,  when 
his  partner  said :  "  Here  be  three 
apples  to  divide  between  us  twain,  and 


144      Her  Majesty  the  King 

neither  of  us  hath  a  knife  to  carve  them 
withal,"  merely  replied,  "  Naught  could 
be  easier,  my  brother."  So  saying,  he 
ate  one  apple,  and  handing  another  to 
his  partner,  said,  "  Behold,  we  now 
have  one  apiece."  Thus  was  justice 
attained  and  wisdom  rewarded. 

Gratitude  is  one  of  the  invertebrate 
virtues.  It  doth  not  crowd  its  more 
robust  brothers  out  of  the  way  in  order 
to  push  to  the  front  and  assert  itself 
obtrusively.  Even  when  sought,  it 
shrinks  from  notice,  or  modestly  with 
draws  entirely  from  the  field  of  action. 
Saped,  a  young  man  whose  wisdom  had 
not  grown  apace  with  his  liver,  once 
complained  to  a  great  physician  that 
his  head  ached  in  the  morning  and 
that  he  had  no  desire  to  break  his  fast, 
adding,  "  I  fear  me  that  I  must  have 
eaten  something  that  disagreed  with 
me."  Now  the  physician  could  read 
the  human  face  without  glasses,  and 
scanning  the  grapevine  tendrils  which 


Her  Majesty  the  King       145 

adorned  the  cheeks  of  the  young  man, 
he  said,  "  Nay,  I  am  sure  it  was  not 
anything  that  you  have  eaten,"  with  a 
significant  emphasis  on  the  last  word. 

"  But,"  cried  the  youth,  "  it  could 
not  have  been  anything  that  I  omitted 
to  eat."  The  physician,  unheeding 
this  remark,  continued,  "  Henceforth, 
if  you  would  escape  headaches  and 
other  ills  of  the  flesh,  you  must  drink 
wine  only  at  dinner."  The  young 
man  thanked  him  and  went  away,  say 
ing  to  the  people  that  the  physician  had 
counselled  him  to  dine  all  the  time. 
But  the  physician  was  not  grateful  for 
the  good  report,  nor  was  Saped  any 
longer,  after  he  had  received  the  bill 
of  the  wise  leech. 

Many  a  man  is  grateful  at  being  told 
a  piece  of  news,  until  he  is  enjoined  to 
keep  a  secret.  Then  doth  it  weigh 
like  a  millstone  around  his  neck  or  a 
wife  upon  his  knees. 

Some  are  grateful,  though  possessing 


146      Her  Majesty  the  King 

neither  wealth  nor  health  nor  high 
station,  because  they  have  had  illustri 
ous  ancestors.  It  is  a  harmless  kind 
of  pride ;  for  who  would  be  cruel 
enough  to  ask  them  if  such  "  descent " 
did  not  also  imply  degeneracy  ? 

Many  a  man  who  never  murmured 
at  poverty  complaineth  loudly  when 
he  hath  grown  rich  enough  to  be  as 
sessed  for  taxes. 

When  Adam  was  expelled  for  eating 
the  apple  he  blamed  "  the  woman." 
She  said  naught,  but  years  afterwards 
she  invented  pie ;  and  the  worst  of 
these  is  apple-pie. 

A  conscientious  publisher,  who  had 
printed  an  unauthorized  edition  of  a 
great  work  (which  modesty  forbids 
mentioning  here  by  name),  was  stricken 
with  contrition  some  months  afterwards, 
and  wrote  to  the  author  saying : 
"  Truly,  kind  Sir,  I  know  that  I  have 
erred  in  publishing  your  invaluable 
work  without  leave,  but,  albeit  there 


Her  Majesty  the  King       147 

is  no  legal  obligation  on  me  to  recog 
nize  your  interests,  in  the  absence 
of  any  rational  copyright  law,  yet  my 
soul  tells  me  that  you  have  a  moral 
right  which  may  not  be  denied. 
Wherefore  I  have  directed  that  a  state 
ment  of  account  of  sales  be  sent  to  you 
herewith.  As  you  will  perceive  that 
the  venture  unhappily  hath  resulted  in 
a  loss,  your  remittance  of  a  moiety 
thereof  will  be  received  by  me  with  a 
gratitude  which  will  go  far  toward 
allaying  the  pangs  of  a  remorse-torn 
sinner." 

The  prudent  pirate  burieth  not  his 
treasure  in  a  remote  cave  or  sandbank, 
but  bestoweth  it  in  the  safety  deposit 
vaults,  for  the  day  when  he  may  have 
to  face  a  stern  but  not  implacable  jury. 

The  truly  good  man  may  love  his 
enemies ;  but  it  taketh  a  hermit,  dwell 
ing  alone  on  an  inaccessible  island,  to 
love  his  neighbors. 

When    the    great    Caliph     Omar  — 


148       Her  Majesty  the  King 

may  his  memory  be  forever  blessed ! 
- — beheld  the  mountain  of  manu 
scripts  heaped  up  in  the  Alexandrian 
Library,  he  asked,  "  Of  what  doth  this 
Himalaya  consist  ?  "  The  Librarian, 
proudly  waving  his  hand  about,  replied  : 
"  For  the  greater  part,  or  say  about 
ninety-five  per  centum,  it  consisteth 
of  inestimable  works  of  fiction  based 
strictly  upon  the  facts  and  so  forth  of 
History.  They  have  all  been  selected 
from  the  best-selling  nov — "  But  the 
Caliph,  who  had  the  "gift  of  prophecy 
and  could  foresee  even  unto  the  pres 
ent  day,  and  perceived  also  that  the 
folios  were  extremely  dry,  ordered  that 
they  be  all  fed  to  the  furnaces  of  the 
baths,  which  had  not  been  lighted  for 
many  moons  because  that  the  Egyptian 
tyrant,  Kholrobba,  had  oppressed  the 
people  with  a  Fuel  Trust.  Allah  is 
just,  and  the  soul  of  Kholrobba  suf 
fered  not  from  cold  when  it  went  home. 
A  conqueror's  hymn  of  thanksgiving 


Her  Majesty  the  King      149 

for  victory  needeth  no  wings.  It  reach- 
eth  its  destination  by  the  force  of 
gravity. 

And  the  paradox  of  gratitude  is  this : 
that  the  author  is  thankful  if  he  know 
that  the  reader  is  not,  when  he  beholds 
the  mystic  word  in  a  foreign  tongue,  — 


FINIS. 


Bfclr 


University  of  California.  Los  Angeles 


L  005  922  982  3 


UC  SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 


A  A      000118278    1 


